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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I have a break up with my girl friend. She is the one that

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I have a break up with my girl friend. She is the one that did the breakup and somehow she did not feel good about it(somehow she feels she did me wrong.). I saw her last Friday(2 days after the breakup) unexpectedly at a dance party and she was hesitant to say Hello. Although I want to move on, I want both of us to have positive memories about the relationship. I have written a e-mail letter I want to send to her so she can be positive baout it. Since English is my second language, I need someone to review/correct/advise this letter to see if it will produce positve feelings for her. The intension is not to try to get her back but for her to treat the experience as positiveand at least keep peace with her in the future. The following is the letter:

"It was a surprise to see you the other night at XXXX room. I am glad it happened because strangely enough, it helps bring closure for me just like my divorce did. Both experiences brought pain and leaving my heart in a state of vulnerability. It is only in this state of total vulnerability that I gain clarity to reconnect with myself and start my new journey toward wholeness. I am able to accept and surrender to my current situation and learn to love different aspects of myself and others – the good and the bad. In looking back, whatever happened between us happened for a reason. The way it turns out serves as a catalyst to accelerate my personal transformation and I am a better person because of this.



Since I saw you last Friday, I have put the past behind me and move on. One thing unexpected coming out of this is I have discovered Argentine Tango and love it dearly. In coming months, I plan to take various dance lessons and attend different dance events. We may run into each other from time to time and I’d like to be able to say hello to you.



Andreas"
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Andreas,

 

I have made the grammatical corrections as you requested:

 

"It was a surprise to see you the other night at XXXX room. I am glad it happened because strangely enough, it helped bring closure for me just like my divorce did. Both experiences brought pain and left my heart in a state of vulnerability. It is only in this state of total vulnerability that I gain clarity to reconnect with myself and start my new journey toward wholeness. I am able to accept and surrender to my current situation and learn to love different aspects of myself and others - the good and the bad. In looking back, whatever happened between us happened for a reason. The way it turned out served as a catalyst to accelerate my personal transformation and I am a better person because of this. Since I saw you last Friday, I have put the past behind me and am ready to move on. One thing unexpected coming out of this is I have discovered Argentine Tango and love it dearly. In coming months, I plan to take various dance lessons and attend different dance events. We may run into each other from time to time and I'd like to be able to say hello to you. Andreas"

 

I would like to make a few suggestions, however. It may be too soon to expect that either of you will be able to make casual conversation. As you noted, it has only been a few days since the breakup. It may seem a little cold to her to say that you have already moved on and had a personal transformation in such a short time, even though your intent is to let her know that you are okay with the breakup.

 

You might consider just taking out that one line about personal transformation and leaving the rest of the letter as it is.

 

No matter how well written your letter is, I fear it is too soon to expect her to be able to have a casual friendship with you. There is always some discomfort after a breakup. You might want to wait a month or so before sending this note.

 

Enjoy your new-found interest in the Tango!

Suzanne

 

 

 

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I'd like to give this e-mail a memorable title.

 

Can I call it "Closure" ? Will it be too cold ? Can you think of something that is memorable ?

Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Actually, I think "Closure" would be an excellent title. It would make it clear that you are moving on, and one-word titles are usually the most memorable. The fact that you are hoping the email will be memorable makes me wonder if you still have some feelings for this girl.

 

You may want to think about waiting a week or two to make sure before you send this. But if you decide to send it now, the title you have chosen is excellent, and will leave no doubt as to the message you want to convey.

 

Suzanne

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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