Hi JA customer and thank you for writing.
I am so sorry that you have been through so much of late. Your post is very sad indeed.
First off, do not assume that the abortion has any reason to do with her leaving you at this time. I am sure it impacted both of you a great deal and I also know that these events can stay with someone for a lifetime. That said, it does not mean that it was a critical factor in the demise of your relationship. It sounds rather as if there were more significant issues that caused this break down.
I am pleased to hear that you are in counseling and that you are making changes in life. Therapy is very hard work and I applaud you on this. That said, three and a half months is not such a very long time in therapy and while you may have noted some dramatic relief from issues that were causing you difficulty before, it is likely that you will have to do much more work before you see life changing behaviors. Keep up the good work. Keep seeing your counselor and do the work for yourself and your future without any conditions.
Finally, if your ex wants time alone and does not wish you to contact her, respect her wishes and leave her alone. The best way to drive her even further away right now would be to ignore her request for time and space apart from you because you are so anxious to repair the relationship. Your best chance of repairing this and moving forward with her is to respect her wishes and do not have any form of contact with her until she contacts you and expressly requests to hear from you.
I know this is a painful response to hear, but millions of us survive what you have described here and go forward with lives that are happy, joyful and meaningful. It may not be the answer you wished to hear and I know it does not bring you much comfort, but it is the expert response on this.
Take good care of yourself. Keep up the counseling and good luck to you.