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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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I know that I shoudl be more carefull when Im looking for

Resolved Question:

I know that I shoudl be more carefull when I'm looking for a partner..
and you migth be rigth that I have gone form one abusive realtionship to
another just because I haven't seen the warnings signs..
but how is it possible to find out if they just got a temper.. or they just
are abusive?
many of them are exsperts in hiding the signs untill it's to late.. to turn
back..
I'm also wondering if it's normal for abuse victem to seek out older
partners.. since they migth remind them of a family member or someone
that are safer than a man at their own age?
I have always felt that older men is safer than boys at my own age..
but I'm not seeking a father figure or a new" daddy" ..
many of my friends think and coments on this..
but they don't know my father.. that I hate whit all of my heart since
it is his fault that I'm so messed up and broken inside..
I just feel that boys at my age needs to grow up.. since they behaves like children and likes to tell stories aboute their lates date or one nigth stand..
is it me or is this a normal problem for victem of childhood abuse?
or am I realy seeking a new father ... whit out
knowig it?
is this possible?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you have had with relationships. Remember that there is a difference between having a temper and being abusive. Someone can be angry but not attack the other person verbally, emotionally or physically. Expressing anger in a safe and respectful way is different than using the anger against the other person or taking it out on them. Going very slowly in the beginning of a relationship and giving yourself time before you get attached is important to allow you to see the warning signs of controlling or abusive behavior. It is common for abuse victims to seek out older partners, since we typically recreate situations where we can continue to play out our issues in one way or another until we work through them. Older partners tend to have more power and control in a relationship due to their age advantage and abuse is all about control. You may not be seeking a new father, but may be replaying your position of not having power in relationships. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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