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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I had an affair for a year and it ended in May when my husband

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I had an affair for a year and it ended in May when my husband caught me. We decided to work on the marriage and at first everything was much better. But now back to the way things were before, such as, when I am talking he ignores me, he brings up the affair almost every day by making comments on wait until he has an affair, or he knows I am still seeing so and so, etc. By the way it was a long distance romance and I have completely broken it off. It was hard to do that and I had to work through some sadness at the time but am much better

My husband demands sex and just takes it - no foreplay - nothing. We do not kiss or hug, hardly ever. I bought the book 5 languages of love and read it. I asked him to read or at least take the test. It's been a couple of weeks now and no help in that direction.

I am burnt out and tired and don't know what to do. I work full time and he calls me constantly at work and gets mad that I don't answer the phone when he calls. I am often in meetings or counseling employees and can't answer.

I am at a loss.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Hi,

 

He is stuck in the past. His behavior is not indicative that he is 100% ready to move on or accept some responsibility for his actions. If you do not have any other intimacy besides intercourse, he is not focusing on your needs. Saying comments about your affair or threatening to have one himself are harming the marriage.

 

While you're doing your part to fix things in the marriage, he is undoing your work through his behavior and words.

 

Find out what is it that he wants from you and the relationship as a whole. Is he happy/satisfied with the way things are. You're not satisfied so it would be unlikely that he is satisfied. He would have to move on and you will want to find out if he's ready and willing to leave the past behind. But, you can not do this for him. He has to step up and do his part. Find out what would be realistic for him and insist that he does it. Don't blame him but you can still confront him. Point out what you've been doing to make things work out and ask him to do the same.

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