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Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question

Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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some times I wonder where I go wrong in finding a partner.. I

Resolved Question:

some times I wonder where I go wrong in finding a partner..
I just seem to end up whit someone that turnes in to a monster/ demon every time..
Is there some way I can change this?
or is it me there is something wrong whit.. since I just get the men no one else wants?
I`ve tried to find someone that is a bitt diffrent from my exs but it don`t seem to work..
and everytime a boyfriend hits or kicks me around..
I keep asking myself.. there must bee a reanson for this.. what can I do to deserve his love insted?
my friends say that its`t my fault and that I should get away form him...
but I always clame that it`s my own fault.. and that he loves me
is this normal?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationships. What you are describing is controlling and abusive behavior. The abuser typically attempts to control and isolate his victim as much as possible. The more isolated you are the more vulnerable you are to his controlling behavior. Remember that no one deserves this type of treatment. Feeling stress from this situation is certainly understandable. However, you have no reason to feel guilty or responsible for being treated this way. You may find the following website helpful to clarify about abuse:


One thing I would add is that the thing you can control is to decide to not accept to be treated this away any longer. The more you begin to value yourself and understand that you do not deserve to be abused, the more you will begin to attract others who value you as well. As soon as someone is disrespectful and abusive to you this is a huge red flag to warn you to get away from this person. Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional.


I would encourage you to seek individual therapy for yourself. This will be helpful for you to be able to learn to offer yourself unconditional love and to improve your ability to set boundaries to protect yourself. In addition, therapy can be helpful in order to get some support for yourself, build up your self esteem, help you to set boundaries, and take good care of yourself. In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

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