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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie , Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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Spouses keep cheating on me even after I found out with lie

Resolved Question:

Spouse's keep cheating on me even after I found out with lie everythings, deny.etc. He even accused on me the whole thing is my imagination. Every chance I'm not around, he bring woman in our home. is this marriage worthwhile to keep? How do I know he bring her in our home, I know it's illegal , but I left recorder before I leave.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 5 years ago.
Sorry it has taken so long for you to get a reply. I am hoping that I can help.

Since it seems likely that your spouse is cheating and may have been for a long time, what is it that keeps you in the marriage. Since people do not change without getting lots of therapy, you can assume that this will continue. Do you mind that he has other relationships? If you do, then the marriage is not worth saving. There will never be trust in the relationship. You deserve to have more than that as you go forward with your life. This must be causing much grief. It is time to do something good for yourself.

PS I did read your past posts and so know that this has been an issue for you for a long time.

Thank you for trusting JA with your concerns.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm not financially, healthwise(illness) independent, so I could'nt decide cleary go my ownway very long time age. Family, and friends advise me to stay marriage,because I do need support. Like my situation, should I endure this egony and without divorce legally, just have a separate life, is that the better choice for me to find something good for myself( I know I can find something i'll do the rest of my life ) but relatives stopped me, because it is not easy to live alone as a woman without a spouse).
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 5 years ago.
You could stay in the marriage for financial support but are you sure he won't leave you. Also remember that a divorce settlement does allow for enough maintenance (alimony) for you to be comfortable. You have a right to be supported in the fashion to which you are accustom. Is there another kind of support that he gives you that is important to your health and well-being? What stops him from leaving you, since he has a girlfriend?.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't think the woman he involve is not a kind of woman he wants remarry, Sexually she must fullfil his need. Almost over 35years of marriage, he's sexual desire- wants to feel young again, I guess, also, our culture they concern about their children and people around him what they are going to say , he is not well determined person whenever make a decisions. But I do not know, deep inside what he is thinking, maybe , he's waiting right times to come, That's why I do need professional advise from you, to make a decision , and act fast before he wants divorce. All the egony he's been giving me , what is a best way to prepare(anythhing) before I go my way?
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 5 years ago.
You need to develop a plan with a budget and steps to take. Your plan will include:
Choosing and meeting with an attorney (getting advise on the legal steps)
Develop a budget for attorney fees
Decide on if you will leave or ask him to leave the house.
Budget expenses for your move (if you decide to leave).
Surround yourself with friends and family who will support your change
(you will need their physical help for moving etc).
Join a support group of women who are also in your situation, to get psychological support.

Consider a marriage counselor for the purpose of helping with the separation issues (not to save the marriage). This person will mediate the conversations between you and husband as you divide your property,

There are a lot of steps. Just take one at a time so that it does not feel too overwhelming.
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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