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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Do you ever really get over a divorce I was married almost

Resolved Question:

Do you ever really get over a divorce? I was married almost 3 years and have been divorced for 5. He was verbally and emotionlly abusive. He has a lot of anger issues and in the end told me I didn't love him and said divorce was best for both of us. I never wanted the divorce until he cheated on me. Then I figured if he wanted out that bad he could go. He then said it was my fault because I didn't want to work on it. Thankfully we didn't have children, and I have never seen him since.

I remarried 2 years ago and he's an awesome man. But every November (the ex filed in November and it was finalized right before thanksgiving) I get the blues and find myself thinking about my first marriage. It doesn't last long but for a few weeks I just find myself worked up over it. My mom says I should be over him. I try to, but he was still a part of my life. He was the first man I ever really loved. The first man I had sex with. I just don't know if you are supposed to pretend like they never exsisted.

I guess I just want to know if it is "healthy" to still think about him sometimes. Most days I barely remember him, but sometimes I just can't help but think about it.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Yes you will eventually get over the divorce, more specifically all of the emotions involved will eventually heal in time. You are still going through the grieving process and you will need to go through all of the stages of grief in order to continue to heal and move beyond the divorce. This is why it comes up every now and then because you haven't fully gone through the grieving process (-regardless of whether the marriage was a happy one or not, the grieving process must occur and needs your full attention for your own mental and emotional well being and helling). Click here to read more about the stages of grief. Also, I think that you could work on this issue with the aide of a self help book. If you purchase a self help book(s), it is important to designate a time to do this work on a regular basis when you will not be disturbed along with keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and reactions to what you read as you go through the book. You should agree on how much time you want to spend working on this and agree to how often you want to work on it, for example: once a week for 30 minutes, twice a week for 30 minutes, etc. Be sure to keep the amount of time designated for this at a comfortable level so that you do not dread doing this. The above is a healthy process that can help you continue to heal and to move forward pertaining to your divorce (-congratulations on your marriage to a great guy!). A few books for you to consider can be found below:

Book 1.
Book 2.

Book 3.

Angela and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for my bonus! Please continue to take care of yourself and to take the time that you need for your healing- you are worth it!

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