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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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i have been in a relationship with my partner for over 6 years,

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i have been in a relationship with my partner for over 6 years, he has crossed the cheating LINE in my eyes a few times now, and ALL of those times he was drunk! one has now become attached to him as she is young and going through some homelife stuff, so she's gone off the rails, he has a new phone and number so she finally cant get in contact with him, but I have told him he needs to stop drinking, as I dont trust him at all when he's drunk!
He says he'll stop drinking through the week, but he enjoys a few(which is alot) on the weekends, he doesnt realise what he could loose if he doesnt stop, i dont even think he realises that the Friendship part of these conversions with these girls was over the line, he should be a friend of mine and care about my feelings more than anyone elses or anyone elses problems, Ive had a tough life too.... what should I do?
We transferred interstate together, have built a nice house, have no kids(but we do have two great dogs), we have also been going to fertility experts and have found out recently that he can not have kids of his own, and we were/are about to go through donor sperm inseminiation, so how could he do this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have shared, I suggest considering temporarily holding off on trying to have children until he gets help for his drinking problem, otherwise, there's a good chance that you will have children along with him still behaving in his current and unhealthy manner (-which would cause additional stress and hurt). I suggest in a loving manner, using your own words, that you think about the type of help you want him to get, such as going to marriage counseling with you, attending an AA support group, etc. and then tell him that he needs to seek help in order to heal the damage he has caused to you and to your relationship. He is a grown man who must step up to the plate and be accountable for his drinking, how he inappropriately behaves towards you, and for how he has hurt you by his behavior. He needs to also deal with the real reasons which are causing this behavior- why he chooses to get drunk and then uses his drunken state as a reason to cheat on you. He needs to take complete responsibility for his behaviors and to show you that he is serious by getting help. You deserve to have him treat you with respect, love, and dignity. Therefore, if after your conversation with him, if he is not willing to get help, decide what ultimatums you will put into place. For example, will you ask him to go to counseling or else you will.....(-you fill in the blank). Will you stop doing things for him such as......(-you fill in the blank) until he treats you with respect, love, and dignity and etc? Be sure to enforce the ultimatums that you put into place by acting on them so that he will know that you are serious about him being accountable to you. You deserve to be with a person who will take responsibility for his behavior and for his addiction and do what is necessary to successfully be in recovery along with the thousands of other alcoholics who are also in recovery and who now have fulfilling lives as well as control of their lives.

Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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