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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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I met a guy 19 years ago when we were teenagers at an amusement

Customer Question

I met a guy 19 years ago when we were teenagers at an amusement park.We had pretty much a phone only relationship for a few months until I found out through someone I knew who went to the same school with him that he already had a girlfriend and I was the side chick.Since our relationship was mostly over the phone, we never saw each other except once after we met.He remembers that a lot more than I do.And he said I made him leave immediately after he got to my house.I felt more stupid than hurt after the experience and moved on.I kind of forgot about him, I wasn't in love with him or anything, thought he was a jerk.
19 years later,I've been in relationships, have three children, never married although I have had one long term relationship.
Ive been through a lot with men, even going through a time when I completely despised all men for about 3 years.It was about a year ago that I just suddenly stopped hating them, although I wasn't ready to jump into a relationship or even date.I've had short relationships here and there, but nothing really serious.I somehow end up in sexual relationships where the guys don't want to commit they just want sex.
I'm a very attractive woman with a nice figure so attracting a man is really not a problem but getting one to stick around seems to be ever elusive to me.I figured maybe I was having sex with them too soon and decided I would need to stop doing that.I wasn't really interested in dating or a relationship but I felt that could change if the right man came along.I have learned through my experiences what I need to stay away from and who I should go for, most of the time Im right.Its when I go against my judgment that I pay for it.
At the end of September, I started thinking about the guy I met at the amusement park.I hadn't thought about him for so many years.I decided to look him up on facebook and found him.We started messaging there and at first he didn't know who I was but then he remembered me.He friend requested me.We started talking on the phone catching up and then he said we should hang out some time. I wasn't sure I wanted to date this guy and it was kind of more like we were just going to hang out not really date.I had a lot of anxiety at first and it took me a while to be comfortable around him.We went to breakfast, hung out at the mall, drove up to the mountains one time.It was all pretty innocent, and I felt comfortable with that.He was always very respectful which was a big change from other guys I dated.He didn't even try to have sex with me.We have talked on the phone and texted all the time ever since, talking and texting for hours pretty much almost daily.
I found out that he had eventually married the girl he was with in high school and they had two kids.She cheated many times and they eventually divorced.He text me once that he married the wrong girl, that it should have been me.He's been telling me Im wonderful and perfect (although I'm sure we both know I'm not).Everything has been very pleasant and he has been great.He seems to really be crazy about me.We started having a sexual relationship 3 weeks after our first contact.I'm not sure were sexually compatible because he's into some things I'm not into but that's not the problem I'm having right now.
The other night he was texting me while I was at work.We work graveyard shift but not at the same place and hes on vacation.He was telling me I've been a breath of fresh air to him and he has been blessed to have me come into his life and he could only imagine how much better it could get.He said I was like a light that brought life back into his soul.He asked me where would he be without me.He said he was so happy to have me.Kept telling me how special to him.He thanked me for finding him again.Then he said something about me being his girlfriend.Then he asked if I was his girlfriend.I told him until further notice because that's what he had told me a couple weeks earlier when he called himself my boyfriend in a text and I asked him if he really was my boyfriend.He asked what I meant by that because he forgot he had told me that.I explained and he apologized and said he was mine and I was his and asked me if that was cool.This guy has been so amazing and I started to think it all had to be a dream.He couldn't possibly be real!I told him I was all his.I told him I was ready and he said he was ready for a relationship.He asked why my status on facebook said single still.I said I'd have to change it.
Next day (last night), I changed it.I told him and he got online and saw it and we were chatting through IM on there.I asked him when he was going to change his.He said he didn't want to change it he didnt want everyone on there in his biz!I got upset and asked him why.(through text) He kept telling me that he only wants me over and over but wont tell me why he wont change it.His actions and words always show he cares so whats his problem?told him to leave me alone after so I still dont know why.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

Hi, I can help you with this today.

Dr. Keane :

Facebook. After all you have lived through, after reconnecting and getting to know someone who has come to mean something are you going to let a legitimate remark about his status on facebook ruin your relationship? Think about why he said he isn't changing his status, if he does everyone is going to be asking "who" and he doesn't want to let the world know his business. It, as you say was probably a big misunderstanding so I would suggest you wait until he calls to clear it up. If he feels the way he says he feels about you then you'll both get through this. As much as Facebook allows us to keep in touch with others it certainly can be detrimental to a relationship. This misunderstanding is just that. You said in your post, his actions and words show he cares, so there really is no problem only a choice not to share this with anyone and everyone on facebook.

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