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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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been living with my boyfriend 2 plus years, he 53, im 46.

Customer Question

been living with my boyfriend 2 plus years, he 53, i'm 46. now he's announced he's going to move to arizona. in october he said he going jan 1st now this past weekend he said he's going dec 1st. he handed in his notice at work on monday. he's been paying a third of the total mortgage, i pay the other two thirds(and i've been struggling for the past 3 months as i just graduated as a practical nurse but wont be sitting for the state boards until end of nov so i'm living on credit cards as i've no steady work and occasional babysitting. i cant believe this is happening. he says he loves me , would like me to go with him (i have a 14 yr old son and i have shared custody with his dad and i not leaving my son).its been a bit strained between my bf and my son for the past few months- my son have adhd and is oppositional defiant.after conversation with my bf this a big contributing factor to leaving(he's admitted he's not up to the challenge of helping me with my son and yet he feels bad how hard it is for me with my son!!). i'm considered a indepentant strong woman by my close friends and a part of me feels that i should tell him to get his stuff and move out now because he's obviously left the relationship already. he'd always be here on weekends before now has other plans like fixing his or other peoples cars etc.yet he keeps stating undying love for me , i'm confused. last week his exact words were ,"i hope you get a job soon because if something comes up in az i might bolt out of here sooner"! . if i throw him out now twill i destroy any future together later on (he wants me to go there when my son is 18 or is that just empty words. whats your best adviice to me? thanks anne marie
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hello Anne Marie my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Actions speak louder than words and unfortunately his actions have been showing that he cares about his needs first and your needs second. He clearly has been making his own timetable for relocating and then changing it as it suits him with no regard for you or your feelings. He also has been very selfish in this entire process by doing the above including his last statement about just bolting if something comes up sooner. Based on what you have shared, he clearly is not involved anymore in this relationship in a mature, loving, and self respecting manner towards you especially in lieu of your financial situation: he has been working and you have not been working but yet he only pays one third?- again very selfish on his part and for him to be willing to just leave you hanging at a moment's notice is also very selfish and not how you behave when you actually love someone. Ultimately, you have to make the final choice as to what you will do, however, I think you are better off seeking another person to move in with you as soon as possible to help you with the bills. Additionally, I would consider not going to be with him when your son turns 18 because of the above points, unless he changes his behavior and shows you that he values you and begins to treat you in an unselfish manner on a continual long term basis (- always go by his actions and not his words). You deserve the best and someone who will give 100% just as you have been doing!

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