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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy I loved

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy I loved dearly. When I lost my job, the guy dissappeared and would not assist me with anything let alone moral support. Things were resolved at work and I got my job back which is a very high paying job (company secretary). Realizing that I was back at work, by boyfriend wanted us to reconcile though during the 10 months period when I was unemployed, he fathered 3 children from 3 different women. Everytime we were together he demanded that I give him money which is something he does with all women. We have a daughter together. I also learned that he has 18 children from 18 different women though when we met he told me that he had only two kids. This guy also happens to be a member of parliament.

Does this guy deserve to be forgiven?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 6 years ago.

Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

 

Well, forgiveness is one option, although it is hard to understand why you would want to be with this man.

 

While it may be exciting to be with a member of Parliament, the facts that you listed do not point to him being a good risk for a long-term relationship.

 

Fathering 18 children and lying about it would be enough to scare most women away from him.

 

Deserting you while you were in need, and then demanding money from you once you were employed again makes him sound more like a blackmailer than a love partner.

 

You note that he demands money from other women as well.

 

This is not a man who will ever be a trustworthy husband. The best indicator of his future behavior is his past behavior...the fact that he's in Parliament makes it all that much worse, rather than better. As a public official, he's not living an honest life...and the chances for him ending up on the front page of a newspaper in a scandal seem pretty high.

 

My advise is to get as far away from him as possible. You may need to give him contact with his daughter, but he should be paying you child support, not you giving him money. Please contact an attorney to find out your rights in this situation.

 

It would be very helpful for you to find a supportive therapist who can help you figure out why you are attracted to a man who treats you...and all other women, apparently, so poorly.

 

The more time you waste on him, the more time you lose in finding someone who will treat you with respect and love.

 

 

 

Suzanne and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

 

 

Satisfied with the advice given. I think that it is wise that I stay away from this guy.

 

One of the best ways will perhaps be to ignore his calls and also to remove his clothes from my house. I have on several occassions requested him to take his clothes from my house but he would'nt.

 

I have even gone to a point of storing his clothes in my storeroom.