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Kristin
Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience:  Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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My husband and I have had a difficult marriage of 7 years.

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My husband and I have had a difficult marriage of 7 years. We have a six years old son. About six months ago, he informed me that he was very close to a woman who was my friend. He said he was unsure of how he felt for her, that it was an attraction but nothing sexual. After a month or so of "discussing" this situation, I decided to give him time to think about what he wanted, asked him to stop seeing this person and left for two weeks. Upon my return he confessed he was in love with someone else - not my friend, but a different woman. He said they didn't have sex, that they only kissed and he felt very touched by her affection. After hearing this I tried to be the very best wife I could possibly be doing everything I could to meet his needs for a couple of weeks, but I thought it was wrong to keep having sex with him knowing he was in love with someone else so I left him and went to my parents home three months ago. We have been very much in touch all this time, he says he ended the relationship with the second woman, but he keeps seeing my friend often and says that I should not see it wrong because she is just like a sister to him. He says he wants to take his time to change so he can become the husband I deserve and that he needs some time to be ready and in the meantime we should keep it as a good 'family like' relationship for our sons sake, going out together on the weekends. Should I believe in him when he says he wants to change and continue to be in touch and try to save this relationship or should I end it?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

I really feel for you and what a difficult time you are going through right now. Your husband is not managing well whatever is going on with him. To choose to see other women while married and with a son is certainly not a constructive way to improve your marriage. And if he is that unhappy, he should leave. The fact that he is now hanging out with your friend is yet another boundary issue, and not the best person to be talking with as she is your friend, and you already now have trust issues with him. He is definitely suffering from lack of judgment. I think that the only way you will know whether to believe him or not, is for you two to attend marital counseling together. This will not be a quick fix to believe what he just simply says to you. You will need to see it in actions from him, and over time, before you can start to trust him again. I would tell him (if you want to try to work things out that is) that you are willing to work on this with him, only if he is agreeable to see a marriage therapist with you, and to commit himself to doing this until you feel it's better. Also let him know that you don't feel comfortable with him confiding in your friend, and want him to discontinue that. If he rejects these suggestions, then at that point, I would consider separation. I wish you the best...Please click ACCEPT, if satisfied. Or ask for more info. Thank you!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I forgot to mention that we did tried a therapist but he only attended 3 sessions and then he said he didn't feel good about it.
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Okay, so again another indication that he (atleast at that time) was not really invested in working on the relationship. However, you still need to give him those options and let him know what I suggested. He may be more willing now to seek counseling and to stay into counseling, if he thinks there may be an actual consequence to his behaviors. Right now, he may be feeling like he can do what he wants, and get away with it. So be sure that you demonstrate that you really expect him to work on this marriage in a real way. Please don't forget to click ACCEPT, otherwise I'm not credited for helping .

Thank you.

Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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