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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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should I end a friendship

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I ahev been married 24 years, a male, and faithful and have a female married co worker married 12 years. We became close 4 years ago working together. She had twins 2 years a go left work but we always talked, we used to call everynight when we first met. After her twins, I picked up her slack at work and we worked together by phone or email. After her twins, we became very close, too close, she became needy help with her twins, asking constant advice drew into her problem world. Last year, she came back to work, we worked together again but it was difficult. Any problem was my fault, she changed her mind on prjects constantly, very indecisive. But we still got along great. She had to apologize at least 10 times in that one year for driving me crazy. She has low self-esteem, jealous, even of me. We had summer off, met a few times for coffee every other week, had fun talking but I deeply sensed a sexual tension one day and had to leave. Didn't see each for a month. September came, back to work but she told me she didn't want to work directly with me anymore, it was too stressful. I said that was fine, but we still saw each other evryday. But one day in September she told me, We have to stop playing these games", but I blew the quote off, I don't know why. Now every week she creates drama, gets jealous easily and spins my head like no one ever did. I can't deal with her anymore, and it is like she changed or dooesn't want to be a friend or whatever. Her husband used to approve of the friendship, but now he doesn't, but she don't tell me that. My wife knows we are just friends and she is fine. I love her with everything and have been faithful. Fiest of all, why could she be using so much drama? Should I dump her but I khow she needs me for a friend. If so, by email, she hates confrontation. She once told me that she was surprised I held on to her for so long as a friend.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for writing to Just Answer.

 

It can be hard when a friend changes the way yours has. We remember what we used to have with them, and try to re-create it--usually unsuccessfully.

 

I think this situation has the potential to end badly, and it would be better to end it sooner rather than later. Even though this is strictly a friendship, you also acknowledge a sexual tension between the two of you.

 

Even though you did the right thing by leaving at that moment, it sounds as if your friend does not have such strong boundaries as you do. Her comment about having to stop playing these games means she is still feeling that sexual attraction, most likely.

The fact that her husband no longer approves of the friendship adds to that possibility.

 

Do you really need all this drama in your life? It seems it would be better to put all this emotional energy someplace more positive--like your marriage. You are lucky enough to have a very understanding wife--many women would have resented nightly phone calls and this woman's jealousy over you.

 

Emotional infidelity is a situation where one partner is putting more energy into another relationship than they are into the marriage. The language you use---"driving us apart" "letting her go" sounds dangerously close to this...and the fact that things have progressed enough that her husband no longer supports your friendship.

 

I would advise you to walk away from this friendship before it causes real problems in other areas of your life.

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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