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Dr. Adastra
Dr. Adastra, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4
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I am in my mid twenties and feeling anxious and down, I ave

Customer Question

I am in my mid twenties and feeling anxious and down, I ave never really been in a long term relationship, since I was 16 and it only lasted a fw months with somebody that was ten yars my senior, we split up after a few months, however beause I loved this person I let them use me for five years after , I find it hard trusting people after this, and I feel that I am negative towards any men I meet and automatically assume they will do the same, so I become angry, aggressive and nasty to them, I have also stupidly got feelings for somebody for the past two years that I have let spiral out of control, we live in seperate countries, however we talk online every few days. I want to forget about this perosn, but it is soo difficult because I always miss them. I have been travelling loads and always forget bout them and have great times with friends, but when I return to real life I I start thinking about them again,and them the we communicate again, I dnt understand hw this can be possible when we neevr spend time with eachotherm unless its christmas and we are in the same town we will meet up, thinking about this person is effecting me meeting other and its effecting my studies, I really have a connection with this person and we are similira howveer i dnt feel like they like me on the same emotional level or even if they did they have been really badly hurt and are not mentally stable to have a relationship. We are both really insecure people and talk about this at times, we have a laugh and flirt and have kissed on a numbeof occassions, however during the summer when we were in the same town i did not meet up because i knew i would like them even more, I feel like because i love this person in these circumstances I am deluded and living in a dream world, i have become depressed and uninterested in going out and university, alot of friends ave moved away this year to pursue their careers and living at home hasn`t been as fun. I need to stop living in hope that something will happen when it won`t ever or anytime soon and I need to regain a positive attitude my freinds ar fed up listening to me talking about this guy I just wnat to forget about it, but I knwo that I will be losing him as a friend when I do, i would be gratful if you could write back with advice or advise me what to do , i know it not a major issue ad minor against everybody else, but i do feel like my feelings for this person are wrecking my life, i am visiting the city in which he lives next month as my bestfriens lives there as well, we will probably meet up but i dont want because i know there is no point
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Adastra replied 3 years ago.

adastra :

Individuals with your symptoms and description often seem depressed, lonely and avoidant of relationships. They want and fear being close to someone at the same time. Y ou have been hurt in the past and have never gotten over this. This is something that focused mental health counselling can be extremely helpful with. Such counselling can look at the effects of your past history on your present life and help to problem solve to find the answers that will bring happiness and improve self esteem. Start with a trusted primary care physician and ask for a referral ffrom them.

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