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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Have been with a man for eight months who lets his ex-girlfriend

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Have been with a man for eight months who lets his ex-girlfriend live with him... she moved in soon after he and I started dating and he lets her stay because he says he feels bad kicking her out and she has nowhere else to go. He swears up and down there is nothing between them except friendship and I have seen them together often and tend to believe him although of-course I cannot know for sure.

I am in my late thirties and cannot afford to waste too much time because have not given up on having a kid. Am crazy about him and would love to settle with him but am afraid the ex-girlfriend is a reflection of an overall lack of commitment to me. Advice? Should I just cut my losses and break up with him and look for someone else??
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.



If there is a possibility that she will move out in 2 weeks, then wait and see if that happens. His behavior is not so much more indicative of him not communicating with you than it is a sign of his poor boundaries. If you feel disrespected or uneasy about this living arrangement that he has with her, then he will need to correct it. He is also enabling his ex saying she has nowhere else to go. She is an adult and need to find ways to live with someone other than her ex.


You've waited for about 8 months for things to change and they have not. You love him and are giving him a chance and at some point sooner than later, he has to resolve this issue. As far as whether or not you should leave him, it is something no one ought to tell you what to do. You've got to decide if this is working out for you or not, and how much longer can you compromise it.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you and I will definitely accept your answer. However maybe my fundamental question is whether your experience gives you an insight about what it means when a man lives with his ex-girlfriend as friends. Does this often indicate unresolved issues between them, and is part of the reason he lets her stay that he just doesn't want to see her go? I know you cannot answer this as far as the individuals are concerned, but in general would you say it is likely the case?

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.
In my experience it is an issue of codependency and poor boundary on his part. It would be a guess work to say if there are unresolved issues b/w the two as I do not know them or what they want. Behavior is at times opportunistic. There is something in for both of them whatever that is- lack of guilt on his part and a roof over her head may be the obvious reasons. Even if he does not want to see her go, she has the power to leave if she chose to do so. It seems that both are finding excuses as to remain roommates.
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