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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. About 3 months ago

Resolved Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. About 3 months ago there was a period of us not really seeing each other, or making time for each other. When we were together we couldn't stand each others company and were just snapping all the time. We overcame this when we can close to breaking up, and realized we didn't want to do this. I was suspicious, but he just admitted to me that he slept with another girl when abroad during this period when we were not getting along. He is so sorry, insists that he loves me and knows that we can overcome this. He told me because he didn't want it to affect our relationship in the long run. What do I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Ultimately, you have to decide if you want to give him another chance or to move on, however, if you give him another chance, I suggest following the below tips that I will suggest. Regardless of whether you continue or discontinue your relationship with him, you will need to forgive him when you are able to for your own well being and he can assist in the healing process by following my below suggestions. It is impossible to continue the happiness that you have had unless you continue to deal with this present situation and the hurt which you are experiencing from it. As a result, if you still love him (-which you more than likely do because you don't fall out of love with someone overnight despite having intense and horrible emotional pain) and you still want to have a relationship with him, I suggest the following:

Yes it is possible to move beyond the betrayal of him cheating on you as well as the, however, it requires work to do so- this is why you cannot move beyond it because it must be dealt with and it requires a great deal of time, energy, and effort from both of you to deal with it in a healthy manner and to heal from the damage he has caused your relationship. Therefore, if possible, I recommend that you both go to a couples counselor- the best option. In situations such as the one you have described where trust has been broken and betrayal occurred, it is very difficult at times for the two people involved to rebuild their relationship on their own and often a third party (-counselor, therapist, etc.) is required to guide them through the healing process. You could ask your boyfriend would he be willing to go to a counselor with you (-and ask him to pay for the sessions). If he says no, then you could revisit the question again at at a later time or you could consider giving him an ultimatum to go with you if he wants to keep you in his life. If counseling is not an option, you could also try doing the following: In your own words tell your boyfriend that you love him and that you would like for him to help you heal from the hurt that he has caused you and the damage he has caused your relationship. Ask him would he be willing to sit down with you once a week solely for the purpose of reading through a book together and discussing what you both read and how it effects both of you in order to help you heal from the hurt he has caused you and to also help your relationship grow stronger as you heal? It is important to designate some time to do this work on a regular basis when the two of you will not be disturbed along with keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and reactions to what you both read and discuss in the self help book. Both of you should agree on how much time you want to spend together working solely on this and agree to how often you want to work on it, for example: once a week, twice a week, etc. Be sure to keep the amount of time designated for this at a comfortable level for both of you so that neither of you dread doing this. The above is an inexpensive and healthy process that takes time to do but it can be done if you both commit to it. A couple of books for you to consider can be found below:

Book 1.
Book 2.

Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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