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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Angela... please help... I cant tell if I scared him off!

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I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now.  Let me give some more detailed background on him and the situation overall.  I moved to MD from NY on August 1st of this year.  I moved to an area where I already knew a good number of people.  I've visited here several times over the past couple years, so it was easy to adjust to the lifestyle down here.  I got a new job at the hospital, and then made the move.  Exactly 2 weeks after I moved here, I was asked out by a guy a met through one of my house mates at a party she had at our place 1 week after I moved down.  One on one we have gone out about 5-6 times.  We have seen each other every single week at least once a week regardless of whether it's a date or not because we share a huge mutual group of friends.  Progress has been extremely slow but steady.  The guy I am seeing is in his early 30's (I am in my late 20's).  He finalzed a divorce two years ago.  He works in health care as well, and has owned his own home since he was 22.  From what I understand via friends, it was a very bad marriage through no fault of his, and he had gone to therapy and eventually was the one who decided it was time for the divorce.  He has dated other owmen prior to me since the divorce.  He is very intelligent, a gifted communicator and highly intuitive.  Mutual friends have said to me that he is a great guy who would treat me right, but also that in his past relationships he tended to be very codependent, and someone who tried to fix everythng "wrong" with his partner.  As for me, he's always been very respectful and attentive to me whenever we're together.  We haven't kissed or been intimate, but he always rubs my back or arms, respectfully XXXXX XXXXX hand, gives me a hug every time we part for the evening, etc.  His body language is extremely positive, with lots of eye contact, turns his entire body in my direction and always listens closely to what I say.  He's so intuitive, I feel like he's moving slowly because of the signs he's getting from me (I like to take things slow in the beginning).  Last Saturday I had him over for dinner.  it was a great night with just the two of us.  We talked, I cooked, he even helped me clean up afterwards without being asked (I never would have asked a guest anyway).  We sat on the couch together and talked for hours, bantering and talking and even being playful with the pillows.  When he left, I walked him to his car as per usual.  He asked me to go out with him  and his close friend and his friend's girlfriend this Friday (tomorrow) that night, and I said yes.  When we hugged, I kissed him on the cheek.  There was a funny moment where he literally lost his balance, we laughed, said goodbye and he was gone.  I sent him a flirtatious text about how I would have kissed him on the mouth if I didn't have a cold, but there was always next time if he was game.  He said yes, that would have been nice and thanked me again.  All that was Saturday.  I heard from him briefly on Monday (I had to contact him first), and then for the rest of this week I've heard nothing.  I sent him a text message today just saying hello, hoped his week was going well and he didn't respond at all, which was unusual for him.  We work opposite shift (I'm 9-5, he's 3pm-11pm), but he usually will contact me on a daily basis, and if he doesn't initiate it and I do, he always responds.  I thought it was going so well and I've been trying to work up the courage to tell him I really like him, but now I wonder if he got scared off by my actions on Saturday.  Plus I've not had a confirmation from him yet about tomorrow and worry he'll just not say anything.  I don't want to keep initiating contact if he's not interested.  What should I do?  Did I scare him away?<br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>     Normal   0               false   false   false      EN-US   JA   X-NONE                                                         MicrosoftInternetExplorer4                                                  </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable      {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; 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Hello and thanks for using! I hope you don't mind that I've switched us to Q&A mode... I've answered twice through "chat" and both times the answer wasn't posted when I viewed the question once again. I've noticed this problem before... Hopefully it won't be an issue answering the question in this way.

Based upon what you've said, I certainly wouldn't think you've scared him away. It doesn't sound like you were too forward or coming on too strongly at all. In fact, I would have assumed that all of the signs were pointing in the right direction since the night seemed to go so well for you. With that said, I think it's safe to say that if a guy is interested in you, he'll contact you. He has your number and he's as mature as he sounds, he should absolutely follow up with you about your plans for tomorrow (regardless of whether he plans to keep them or not). If he doesn't call tomorrow, I'd say you obviously no longer have plans with him for the evening. You deserve someone who treats you with more respect than that and is clear about whether he's interested. I think you made it clear that you ARE interested and that you do like him without doing anything that might have been crossing the line. His response to your text about kissing him is confusing given his lack of contact this week. Try to wait it out to see if he contacts you tomorrow. If not, you could certainly call in a few days just to ask if everything is OK. Unless he has a VERY good reason for not contacting you, at least you'll have the closure you need to move on.
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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