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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I have been with my partner 2 and a half years. I have almost

Customer Question

I have been with my partner 2 and a half years. I have almost always doubted whether it was right for me. It sometimes doesn't feel right in my gut and then i feel so guilty about thinking that. He is the most wonderful person. At times i feel so inlove with him and i get that europhic feeling when i stop thinking about it. The truth is i think about our relationship 24 hours a day. THis started when we started travelling together the start of 2009 (we backpacked together for 14 months without work) I cried almost everyday because it just didn't feel right but i wanted it to. I still want it to, because when it does it feels like bliss.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Hi,

 

Any relationship goes through different stages from the initial stage of feeling in love, learning about each other, impressing one another, to moving into a more complacent/comfortable stage. At that time, some people confuse that as having fallen out of love when in fact their relationship had matured. Of course, romance and spontaneity would have to be present even after someone had been with their partner whether for 2 or 20 years.

 

Do you have an idea of what is causing you to doubt the future of the relationship or whether he is the "right person"?

Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
The doubt comes from at the start of the relationship my heart wasn't in it. It was my first relationship and I basically just wanted to be in one and this person was so warm and loving and I really grew to like him but there wasn't that spark there for me but i just felt so comfortable with him.

I also for the first six weeks kept in touch with an ex who i still had very strong feelings for and who I thought was the one, I only had seen this guy about 3 days about 4 months earlier but talked online very regularly and i hope that in my heart we would get back togehter. I felt so guilty about this and stopped talking with him after six weeks. but i guess ialways compared this relationship to that feeling and spark of that other guy. Even though i never met up iwth the other guy i feel i betrayed my boyfriend by being friends with this guy and wanting to meet up with him.

Now i am always doubting the relationship beceause there isn't that constant feeling of happiness. Surely i would be happy if i was inlove. I just don't feel right in this relationship most of teh time and i feel i am being dishonest to myself by staying in it but i love and care very darely for him and it times i feel so inlove with him i just want to melt. I just want to stop doubting it. I want it to work but i am afraid i know what i need to do in my heart
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I think the real doubt comes from not knowing if i ever was inlove and most people tell me or i read that you just know and i didn't. I also have read and heard that you can[t make yourself love someone so that makes me just want to give up even though at times i know i love him
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.
Only you know what you feel even if others tell you their opinion. What matters is that you're happy and if you're not, then it may be worth doing something different and see if the feelings change for the better. Sometimes people learn how to love another (love does not come up right away)