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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Hi DR Rossi..your adice was an invaluable tool but now things

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Hi DR Rossi..your adice was an invaluable tool but now things are way worse!! After seeing a counselor & telling my wife I think I should stay in the home while we work out a sensible end to our marriage and how to tell our 10-year-old sone I'm leaving, she and counselor said NO WAY & to leave now...it devestated me, my son, I've been living in a friend's spare room, my life is destroyed right now. Just physically ill everyday without my son...been seeing him everyday to everyother day...spending he night in my old home with him while she's out this weekend (she knows about it) but I still can't get enough of him...totally blind-sided by this insistance to leave & the devestating effect it has had on me being seperated from my son...how can I convince my wife that a second chance based on our sons welfare is still a second chance and I'll work on "us" but need to move back in to be a part of his life again or I'll die...or am I way off the mark here and just need to get used to life after my son (which i feel i will NEVER recover from)..??
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

Regardless of what the counselor had suggested or anyone else, it would have to be a decision you and your wife arrive at. She may be using the counselor's suggestion as her ammunition.

 

In order to move on, she would need to see that holding onto the past is hindering any possibility of moving on with the marriage. Even if you did not work things while you were there, people arrive at certain conclusions on their own time.

 

Your wife sounds angry from what you've described.

 

As far as being able to recover and move on, it may take some time but it is not impossible for you to "recover" It is a situation you're dealing with that is causing a lot of stress right now.

 

Are you still seeing the counselor and how many sessions did the two of you attend ?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She's hurt and angry over the "loss of feelings for her" situation...her reaction was to get me out of her house, out of her & my sons life (except for visitiation) and get on with both our lives...we saw the counselor several times over the last few months and while she was working her end at trying to work it out, I wasn't because i just didn't feel it...

I think if i were back in the house I could find a way to want to work on it to get back to a place we would both be at least happier than where we were before, but my main motivation is the sheer and utter agony i am in all day everyday being seperated from my son...

I see him a lot, talk to him on the phone a lot, like I said, we're having a 2-day sleep over this weekend, but NONE of it is enough for me...i am beside myself with grief over losing him only it's worse than death..

because everytime i say goodbye, or hang up the phone, or drive away after a visit, it's like he died all over again...i am an emotional shipwreck and i feel like i am literally physically dying inside from missing him...

Am I wrong for wanting to be together with my wife again based solely (at least at first) on reuniting with my son?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

It is unhealthy/misleading to want to reunite with her just to be with your son. You have not lost him all together and the feelings of loss and despair will decrease with time as you adjust to the situation and apply your coping skills. You're going through a bereavement stage.

 

You are doing what feels genuine and in the long run that is more important than living a pretentious life. You and your wife tried, it for some reason did not work out. If you think that after some time passes, you and her would like to work on the marriage again even while you reside at different places, you can try it with a different counselor. Meanwhile, you would want to stay strong for your son. If you are open to individual counseling just to help you move on, see if you could consult with someone face to face.

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
You have been an amazing help through all this...obviously I will need more help in dealing with these feelings of loss....just too much to bear right now...I am a tower of comfort & strength for my son, but when away from him, i just can't deal...feel I can't function...

I am no stranger to grief...everyone in my family of origin are gone now...all grandparents, mother, step-mother, sister 48, brother 39, nephew 26, brother-in-law 18, brother-in-law 38...and so on...I am NO stranger to bereavement...

But I just can't bear the seperation from my son, my family unit, my dogs, the house, but mostly, how all thoise things are connected to him....do you have a practice? Is it anywhere near the Western New York/Southern Ontario, CAN/Great Lakes region? I would feel very comfortable entering individual counseling with you but don't know if you'd be open to that...
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

It does take time. You have lost what you are familiar with not just the frequent contact of your son.

But like you said, you're familiar with the process having lost others (but your son is not lost- just the contact is less)

 

The JA experts can only communicate via this website w/ clients and self promotion/marketing is not allowed.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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