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Regardless of what the counselor had suggested or anyone else, it would have to be a decision you and your wife arrive at. She may be using the counselor's suggestion as her ammunition.
In order to move on, she would need to see that holding onto the past is hindering any possibility of moving on with the marriage. Even if you did not work things while you were there, people arrive at certain conclusions on their own time.
Your wife sounds angry from what you've described.
As far as being able to recover and move on, it may take some time but it is not impossible for you to "recover" It is a situation you're dealing with that is causing a lot of stress right now.
Are you still seeing the counselor and how many sessions did the two of you attend ?
It is unhealthy/misleading to want to reunite with her just to be with your son. You have not lost him all together and the feelings of loss and despair will decrease with time as you adjust to the situation and apply your coping skills. You're going through a bereavement stage.
You are doing what feels genuine and in the long run that is more important than living a pretentious life. You and your wife tried, it for some reason did not work out. If you think that after some time passes, you and her would like to work on the marriage again even while you reside at different places, you can try it with a different counselor. Meanwhile, you would want to stay strong for your son. If you are open to individual counseling just to help you move on, see if you could consult with someone face to face.
It does take time. You have lost what you are familiar with not just the frequent contact of your son.
But like you said, you're familiar with the process having lost others (but your son is not lost- just the contact is less)
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