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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I am recently engaged to a wonderful woman who I have been

Customer Question

I am recently engaged to a wonderful woman who I have been dating for nine months. Almost everything in our relationship works in a phenomenal manner. Everything save for the fact that I was previously married and have three children. My fiance has no children and has never been married before, nor has she been involved in a relationship serious enough to consider marriage. The situation is not getting worse, however, it is not getting better, at least on the surface. Any time that I have to have contact with my ex-wife, which always has to deal with the children, my fiance begins to spin. Somehow, we end up in an argument and there is nothing that I can say to keep her from becoming overwhelmed with my past. I love her dearly and do everything that I can think of to express my love for her and appreciation for her efforts to make the situation easier on both of us. I realize that asking her and wanting her to be a part of my life on a daily basis is a heavy burden, but I grow exhausted by the worry that every time I have to have contact with my ex, it turns into an argument or her mood darkens.

How can we get to a point where we can work together and not face this feeling of constant issue over the existence of my ex? My fiance is wonderful with the children and even guts out the "I miss my mommy" comments that come from them (as they are young). That is partially where I feel confused as she handles that so well, but cannot stand when I have to talk to the ex (even for two minutes during custody exchanges) or someone else mentions her in passing (relative or otherwise). She has expressed that she feels as if she is living in someone else's shadow, but tells me that it has nothing to do with what I say or do. How can I believe that if it is a constant problem for her?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 4 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Cathy :

HI JA customer and thanks for writing.

Cathy :

Hi customer are you there?

Cathy :

Hello?

Customer : H
Customer : e
Customer : l
Customer : o
Cathy :

Hi, are you there now?

Cathy :

oh my whats up with chat connection tonight?

Cathy :

my customer keeps disappearing?

Cathy :

Hello customer?

Customer :

Sorry my computer was acting up.

Customer :

I do apologize for the wacky response and then the lack of any response at all. I had to step out and honestly didn't think I would receive such a quick response. I will monitor my email tonight and tomorrow.

Cathy :

Okay no problem and I am sorry if your computer is acting up as it can be so frustrating. I will continue to monitor the JA board tonight to look for you and if we are not able to connect will transfer this to Q And A and opt out so that the first available expert can help you. I will however continue to look for you over the next few hours.

Cathy :

Hope you find the answers you seek and that the outcome is good for you.

Cathy :

warm regards,

Cathy :

Cathy

Customer :

I're here.

Customer :

Or, rather, I'm here.

Customer :

i am.

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Like I said, my computer is acting up and sent me through to the accept answer page (Probably because I was randomly selecting all about the screen in frustration of a frozen computer). I really need something in response to this.
Expert:  Cathy replied 4 years ago.

Hi yes of course, this is not acceptable.

let me try to help you on getting a refund from JA at this end.

yes of course you should not pay unless you have had a response and so far I have not been able to connect with you in chat.

I am alerting JA of this problem now.

I want you to know that I have worked here for a long time and this is highly unusual. We will get this righted for you right away.

Cathy

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thank you so much. I would really like an opportunity to talk. I am monitoring my email (via my phone) and my computer as well. Thanks.
Expert:  Cathy replied 4 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Cathy, I still have yet to receive any word about my refund and the issue about which I originally visited the site is
as prevalent as ever. I really need some type of insight into how to handle the situation because what I have been doing or how I have been doing it hasn't been working. Please, I am much in need of help.

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Cathy
Cathy
243 Satisfied Customers
Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice