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Ask Cathy Your Own Question

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I have two guys who like me a lot, I need to chose one...I

Resolved Question:

I have two guys who like me a lot, I need to chose one...I can't see both of them help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Cathy :

Hi and thank you for writing to JustAnswer

Cathy :

are you there customer?

Cathy :

Hello

Cathy :

Hi, how are you tonight?

Customer :

Hi

Customer :

Have been better...

Cathy :

I see. I have read your post and I have a few more questions for you is that okay?

Customer :

course

Cathy :

Can you tell me why you cant see both guys? and how long you have been seeing each of them?

Customer :

I can't see both guys as they both want only me...the scary thing is i've only had one date with both of them, and they're both declaring undying love for me already!!

Cathy :

oh my

Cathy :

how old are you and they?

Customer :

indeed!!

Customer :

I'm 39, they are both 36

Customer :

Actually I'm 38

Cathy :

oh wow

Customer :

eeek sorry :)

Cathy :

After one date they both want you exclusively?

Customer :

yep! Scary eh?

Cathy :

unless you are KateWinslet, is this Kate?

Cathy :

LOL

Cathy :

yes its scary

Customer :

lol

Customer :

nope i wish!!

Cathy :

Okay do you want to take some time to sort this out? or do you have a good idea already about what you should do?

Customer :

no idea at all

Cathy :

Okay.

Cathy :

Lets call the first guy Jack and the second guy Larry.

Customer :

ok

Cathy :

Tell me about Jack. What is he like, where is he from, what does he do for a living and how you met him.

Customer :

I met him online, he's a fireman, he lives 40 mins away.

Customer :

He's very fit...pt instructor part time

Cathy :

Is he attractive?

Cathy :

divorced, single widowed

Cathy :

oh I know, I adore fire fighters too.

Customer :

Single, never been married, no kids

Customer :

He's quite attractive

Cathy :

and he is 36

Cathy :

ok and on your first date you went where?

Customer :

The fire fighter thing worries me as most of them seem to have a reputation!!

Customer :

We went to dinner for first date

Cathy :

nice.

Cathy :

and he was attentive and kind to you?

Customer :

it was nice, he was very attentive and very kind

Cathy :

ok and how did he find out you were also dating Larry?

Customer :

he doesn't know!

Cathy :

oh, good girl

Cathy :

ok, tell me about Larry, where is he from what is he like and how did you meet him?

Customer :

XXXXX XXXXXves over an hour away and is a policeman, i met him online too

Customer :

He is very kind and very attentive

Cathy :

I see.

Cathy :

you like civil servants.

Cathy :

okay and does Larry know you are dating Jack?

Customer :

I am one, it's kinda the norm!!

Customer :

Nope he doesn't know either

Cathy :

LOL

Cathy :

okay now tell me about you, have you ever been married? what do you do, what are you like and where do you want to be in five years?

Customer :

The date with Larry was a night in with footie, pizza and dvd's

Cathy :

cozy

Customer :

i loved that night!!

Customer :

it was lovely

Customer :

I was married for 15 years

Cathy :

Larry is great on nights in. Always comfortable in any situation.

Customer :

been seperated for a year, in that time had a couple of disasters

Cathy :

Oh I see

Customer :

looking for someone who wants me and will look after me

Customer :

not financially

Cathy :

of course

Customer :

but wants me for me...

Cathy :

of course

Customer :

plus....

Cathy :

plus???????????

Customer :

larry can help me move out of the current job position i'm in now....

Customer :

to a better one

Cathy :

I see

Customer :

But

Cathy :

are you going through with your divorce?

Cathy :

but?????????????

Customer :

Jack travelled up to my house and dropped flowers and chocs and magazines etc off because i was ill....

Cathy :

I see

Customer :

hmmmm

Cathy :

whats up with the divorce?

Cathy :

is that going through?

Customer :

My divorce will start next year after two years of seperation

Cathy :

I see

Customer :

my ex won't do it any earlier

Cathy :

are you in touch with the ex? at all

Cathy :

Oh I see

Cathy :

what is he like, the ex?

Customer :

yeah, we have two kids

Customer :

12 and 14

Cathy :

and they live with you or with Dad or both?

Customer :

the ex is ok, not been in love with him for about ten years :-(

Customer :

They live with him because of my shifts

Cathy :

okay

Cathy :

do the children live with you?

Cathy :

I see again what do you do?

Customer :

Police

Cathy :

civil servant? but what branch?

Cathy :

oh I see

Cathy :

brave girl

Customer :

lol

Cathy :

My first impression when I read your post is that you should continue to see both men.

Customer :

ok

Cathy :

One date is not time enough for exclusivity.

Customer :

i agree

Cathy :

and both men sound to me like very nice men.

Customer :

they are but how do i tell them??

Cathy :

So do you think you can see each man for at least two more dates before you make up your mind?

Cathy :

How do you tell them what?

Customer :

I'd like to see them both more but i feel like i'm stringing them along and that;s the last thing i want to do

Cathy :

you are not stringing them along. You are one date from being strangers with each?

Customer :

true

Cathy :

They do not need to know about each other

Cathy :

and its too early for promises of fidelity

Customer :

do i tell them that i'm seeing other people?

Cathy :

and monagamy

Cathy :

monogamy

Customer :

true

Cathy :

No its not their business just yet

Customer :

but they are both asking if i'm seeing anyone else

Cathy :

You are betraying no one

Customer :

i feel that i am

Cathy :

and evade or say something like nothing serious for you to worry about.

Cathy :

how come you feel badly? You are not married to Jack or Larry

Cathy :

both have a chance for a future with you

Cathy :

but you do not make up your mind on SUCH IMPORTANT DECISIONS

Cathy :

after one date.

Customer :

i'm not but they are both such nice guys

Cathy :

do you?

Customer :

no true

Cathy :

And you are a nice lady too.

Cathy :

but you should also be a smart lady

Customer :

thank you

Cathy :

you can be smart and be nice at the same time.

Customer :

i should i agree

Cathy :

so can we put you first here?

Customer :

Problem is i can be too trusting

Cathy :

can we put your welfare first?

Cathy :

EXACTLY why you need to take your time on this

Customer :

I'd like to...

Customer :

true

Cathy :

I hereby give you permission to put you first and not make up your mind until you have more time on this and I hereby declare you a good good girl no matter what

Cathy :

feel better?

Customer :

yes thank you

Customer :

lol

Cathy :

Take it slow with both

Cathy :

and be discrete

Customer :

I will

Customer :

I can do that

Cathy :

this is your business and your business only

Cathy :

and be careful when you jump in the sack

Customer :

yep, agreed

Customer :

of course

Cathy :

be careful with your health and your heart.

Cathy :

Okay and dont forget to write me back when you do decide?

Customer :

will do

Cathy :

I want to know how it all turned out for you.

Customer :

course, thank you

Cathy :

Enjoy your two nice guys and all the attention and

Cathy :

and my warmest wishes to you.

Cathy :

Good night.

Cathy :

Cathy

Customer :

thanks again

Customer :

good night

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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