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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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For Jennifer, your answer made lots of sense to my previous

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For Jennifer, your answer made lots of sense to my previous question about my wifes affair,yes we are doing great except when i see him ,he lives around here.I never did pressure her for details about the phisycal side ,she said she did not have sex with him,I want to believe her but it seems hard to,i also have problems when we are intimate thinking if this is how she kissed him etc. is this normal and i am trying to use the stop sign method but it is hard.

She broke down and let her feelings out last time i had some struggles,I believe she really hurts by what she did,She cryed and was so sorry for how she made me feel.i just need to let itgo somehow.
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Jennifer :

Hello again. Remember that this will take some time. It's natural for you to have difficulty letting go of this, but remember how far you've come. I imagine you had very strong feelings when you first learned of what happened. Has this improved? I imagine it has to some degree based upon how close the two of you seem to be now. You're learning to trust her once again, defining your relationship with this new history, and making plans for the future. It's a lot to deal with at once! I do think you'll need to cut yourself a break and recognize the progress you've made. It won't happen overnight. I believe that she really does feel a tremendous amount of guilt over what happened and is sorry for how it has made you feel. Regarding the physical side of it, see if you can bring your thoughts back to the present whenever you find your mind wandering. Sometimes the visual imagery works (the stop sign or a steering wheel to "turn" your thoughts elsewhere) and sometimes it may be a matter of focusing on the details of the moment. For example, when you begin thinking about whether this is how she kissed him, stop and focus instead on something right in front of you -- What does her perfume smell like? What fabric is she wearing? What color eye shadow is she wearing today? These are things that only YOU know about this moment and keeping yourself in the present (and future) may help you to let go of what's happened in the past. Just be forgiving when you find your mind slides there on occasion -- it's a healing process. Even if you're moving 3 steps forward, 1 step back you're still moving in the right direction.

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