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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I have been in a relationship for nearly 8 months. I am 56

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship for nearly 8 months. I am 56 and he is 62. We have both been married before . I have been divorced and living alone for 7 years . He only divorced 5 months ago. We are lovers but we don't sleep together. We see each other everyday and have wonderful times. He is very caring, romantic and atentive. This all should be fantastic
He has just told me our relationship is 99% perfect for him. It is 100% perfect for me. But I haven't lit that 1% spark for him.
He is to take a long trip to New Zealand in the new year and has told me he can't understand why he doesn't want me to go with him. He says if that 1% which is eluding him was in place we would live together and travel together and have the rest of our life together.
As he says, I am good, I am sexy, I am funny, I am interesting but I obviously haven't knocked him off his feet. He is all these things to me too but I am scared the wonderful times we have will all come to nothing.
My head say brake it off if he can't move forward but my heart says stay and hope it all comes right. I now think I can't let him make love to me if he can't sleep with me.
What to do for the best?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 4 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry that you are struggling with this. Remember you are divorced for 7 years --- you've had plenty of time to move beyond your ex. He is divorced only 5 months --- not a lot of time to sort things out and to jump right into another relationship. It would seem to me that you ought to give it more time and see where it goes. If after 6 or so months he still feels this way, then you might think of calling it quits.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I need to step out of chat to go see a patient. I promise I'll be back at 8:45 AM (EST).

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi, I see you are still offline. When you come back online if we are no longer in Chat then just ask for me and we'll continue in Q&A.

Customer :

Thank you for your reply. I am online now for Chat?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Do you have anything else you'd like to ask me.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You there?

Customer :

I am here but you are offline.

Customer :

I am struggling with giving up on something so good.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

As I said --- read what I wrote --- don't give it up yet. Give it another 6 months. Give him a little more time and see where it goes. He's only been divorced a very short time.

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