How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Angela Your Own Question

Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Angela is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I are together for more than 4 years, were

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend and I are together for more than 4 years, we're both 24, graduated, have nice jobs at the university. We "live" together for 2 years no, but every weekend he goes home to his parents, just like when he was still a student. I hate that, and I've told him, but nothing changes.

I want my grown up life to start, I want to start settling, but he doesn't want to change anything. He doesn't want to marry in the near future, nor having children. He doesn't even want to buy a car so that we are more flexible with our time. He does want to buy a house, but why would I tie myself to him financially, if he doesn't want to bind himself to me emotionally and legally?

Should I still remain patient? Or should I walk away? I'm so scared that one day I will wake up, being 30 and still living in our small apartment with no car, no marriage, no kids, ...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this difficult time you are having and only you can decide if you should remain in this relationship or not. However, from what you have shared, there are many, many red flags which you have clearly picked up on and have tried to resolve with him, however, nothing changes for the better. Naturally, it is always best not to ignore so many red flags. Also, it is obvious that you are more mature than he is in many areas such as emotionally and in terms of what you want for your future, whereas, he is not. Therefore, it seems that your instincts are telling you to move on because of all of the above which is completely understandable given the amount of time you have invested in this relationship. Furthermore, if you continue to wait, how many more years will it be until he matures and gets on the same page with you? You have already invested 4 years of your life which is not a small investment of time. Also, you have attempted to resolve the various issues/ red flags, but he refuses to budge and remains in his comfort zone with no regard for your feelings or for your emotional future together. As a result of all of the above, it does not seem as if this is a healthy relationship for you to remain in longterm based on what you have shared especially since your goals and dreams are being stagnated by an unwilling partner.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks you for this answer... You tell me what I started feeling a while ago, but it's so difficult to admit to myself, and to my boyfriend, that our relationship is not healthy anymore. But a break-up is so heavy, I really love him and I consider him the future father of my children and so on... If I break up with him, I'll probably loose him forever. If I don't and wait, than there's a serious chance that I waste my twenties.

If I make the decision that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, do you think I should announce that to him in advance? It's so doubtful, I want him to open his eyes and see the truth, but I don't want an "emergency proposal" or something similar. Do you think this relationship is saveable? I would rather invest two more years in him than to start over completely... But like you say, there's no guarantee he will come to my level of maturity within that time.

Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hi Merel,

I definitely think you should discuss breaking up with him before actually doing so as a courtesy to him and also if he offers an emergency proposal based on this- don't accept it. However, you could accept from him (- and suggest to him in lieu of an emergency proposal) that he begins to do the things you desire in order for you to actually have a future together and then after he continually prooves himself to you then you could accept a proposal should he offer one (-but he definitely shouldn't offer one as a way to save the relationship because the proposal does not fix any of the problems and only provides a temporary superficial happiness). The relationship is certainly capable of being saved if he begins to do his part in it, but he must actively choose to do this.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions