Hi Rygelle and thanks for writing JA
I am sorry we could not connect in chat and I am very sorry to read your post. I am not sure that you need an expert at all to answer your questions. I think you already know what to do here but I will respond to your questions.
I do not blame you for not being able to forgive your partner at all. He was abusive and threatening to you and to your children and it does not matter that he did not hit you or make contact with a fist. He abused you.
He is also blaming you for the problems you have and clearly not taking responsibility for his own behaviors.
I think you will harm your children greatly by staying with him if he continues to behave this way. Study after study has shown that children who grow up in abusive or conflicted households do far worse than children raised by a single parent where there is no violence or abuse and make no mistake you have described abuse in your post above.
So the best thing you can do here is to offer your partner a shot at counseling and if he agrees maybe you can work out some of your problems with professional help and if he does not agree then you need to leave him and move forward with your life.
Make no mistake, what you have described is abuse and it is not acceptable to you or to your children and you need to leave him no matter how painful it might be. This is not something that can be worked out with out professional help. It is not a do it yourself project.
Ask him if he will go to counseling with you and if he says yes, see how that goes?
If not, make plans to leave.
Let me know if you have more to share or more questions to ask?
All my best to you,