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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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hi I have been in a relationship for 7 years we have 2 young

Customer Question

hi I have been in a relationship for 7 years we have 2 young children he has done things in the past for which I forgave but the last incident I just can't seem to move on from. My son and I were ill with gastro my son was vomiting and he yells at him Why can't you do this in the afternoon not at 10oclock at night I intervened saying to him that's not fair leave him alone he's sick..he yells at me kicks a pram at me pushes me to the bed screaming in my face,threating that he'll leave and we'll never see him again, he raised his arm i thought he was going to hit me but he didn't. I can't forgive him. He says hurtful things to me that cut to the bone. When I have tried talking to him he says well if you didn't nag me! I don't feel like I love him I don't even want to talk,share the same the bed, look at him, he says I am making drama up in my head, I don't want to hurt my children by separating but I don't see any other way out of this saddness please Help
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 5 years ago.

Hi Rygelle and thanks for writing JA

 

I am sorry we could not connect in chat and I am very sorry to read your post. I am not sure that you need an expert at all to answer your questions. I think you already know what to do here but I will respond to your questions.

I do not blame you for not being able to forgive your partner at all. He was abusive and threatening to you and to your children and it does not matter that he did not hit you or make contact with a fist. He abused you.

He is also blaming you for the problems you have and clearly not taking responsibility for his own behaviors.

 

I think you will harm your children greatly by staying with him if he continues to behave this way. Study after study has shown that children who grow up in abusive or conflicted households do far worse than children raised by a single parent where there is no violence or abuse and make no mistake you have described abuse in your post above.

 

So the best thing you can do here is to offer your partner a shot at counseling and if he agrees maybe you can work out some of your problems with professional help and if he does not agree then you need to leave him and move forward with your life.

 

Make no mistake, what you have described is abuse and it is not acceptable to you or to your children and you need to leave him no matter how painful it might be. This is not something that can be worked out with out professional help. It is not a do it yourself project.

Ask him if he will go to counseling with you and if he says yes, see how that goes?

If not, make plans to leave.

Let me know if you have more to share or more questions to ask?

All my best to you,

Cathy

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