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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband wants to meet up with an old female school friend

Customer Question

My husband wants to meet up with an old female school friend after they lost contact for a number of years. I dont feel comfortable with this as I know from a previous email that she once had a crush on him. My husband thinks I am being unfair and blames me for the fact they lost contact in he first place. Am I being unreasonable?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. He is being totally insensitive to you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You there?

JACUSTOMER-kl9efvxw- :

He doesn't see it that way and has made me feel very guilty. She is married now so he says it shouldn't be an issue but I still have the sense that she holds a torch for him...he also said that I have made him feel uncomfortable talking to other women because I have been jealous in the past. He said he wants more female friends and that I make him feel trapped but honestly I don't think I am any more jealous than the next woman - this all seemed to come out of the blue! It has worried me as we just had a baby and I hope he is not getting itchy feet

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

He is not acting normal. He is being totally out of line. I am terribly sorry that he is making you feel this way --- it is totally not your fault. He is the one who should feel guilty for what he is doing to you. I will be away until 4:00 P.M. I'll check back when I come back in case you have other things to ask. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT ! ! ! ! !

JACUSTOMER-kl9efvxw- :

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX be your advice about how I should handle this in terms of what I should do or say? Should I pretend not to care so that ?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I think you need to tell him that you don't think that that is how someone acts when they are married. First I would turn the whole thing around. Ask him what his feelings would be if you wanted to meet up with an old male school friend that you have lost contact with for a number of years. He has a crush on me. I hope you don't mind that I get together with him. See what he thinks about that? In other words since he is too narcissistic to see how you would feel about something like this let him see how he would feel in such a situation.

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