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Cathy , Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I have been married now for 2 months to a fantastic man whom

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I have been married now for 2 months to a fantastic man whom was married for 21 years when his wife told him she wants her freedom. She cheeted on my husband when they were married for 7 years but he forgave her and they continued there marriage and had 2 children now age 12 and 10. After their divorce 2 years ago,she got engaged to a man 5 months after the divorce. It was a stormy engagement that ended about 3 months ago.
Whilst in this relationship she would speak to my now husband like the cat dragged him in. Every time her and her then fiance had a fight she would come and cry on his shoulder telling her life stories. Also at these low points in her life was her ex husband good enough to be asked to fix her pool etc. I swalllowed it but told him there should be boundaries. When it come to his 2 boys I will bend backwords to help but I feel this ongoing manupilating way of getting favours is overstepping boundaries. He spoke to her in April when we got engaged telling her that he can no longer be a pilar for her in her personal and day to day life except when it envolves the children. She cried once again. We did not hear from her with regards XXXXX XXXXX personal life until we got married. Now once again it is phone calls about stupid things like the electricity that tripped, needing help to collect tiles for her new kitchen etc. I drives me insane that he can be like a puppy dog after everything she did. Am I crazy or what?

After the last incident in April I told him to either speak to her or else I will. That is when he decided to speak to her. Should I now since its starting again make contact with her? He just dont seem to be able to say no. What was more irritating was the fact that he could not help her with the collection of the tiles for the kitchen, he then asked me if I could help her. I was speechless.
She is a high school principal and very used to calling the shots.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 5 years ago.
Hi Wilna and thanks for writing JA

I am sorry we were not able to connect in chat. I have read your post and you have handled things quite well. I applaud you on keeping a level head through this as it must be so frustrating to you. You are absolutely correct, the ex wife is overstepping boundaries and creating problems for you that you do not deserve.

Have one more talk with your husband and let him know that he has "slipped" back into allowing his ex wife to overstep her boundaries. IF this does not work you can have a chat with her about this, but I do not think it will do much good. The ex wife sounds like someone whose behavior is often inappropriate and she should know better.

If after the talk you find that you husband and his ex wife cannot change this pattern of behavior you might need professional help. A few sessions with a good marital/family therapist can help you to sort this out. It is important to know why your husband has such a hard time saying no to his ex? Guilt? Unresolved feelings that may not be conscious. Lots of reasons he may be behaving as he is, but no way to tell from here at JA>
Let me know if there is more you would like to add on this or if you have any further questions so I can best help you.
Warm Regards,
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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