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It is not an issue of who is correct or wrong. The issue is what are the priorities for each partner. If she is ill or struggling w. other issues, her libido would naturally not be her number one priority. Many factors affect one's libido from depression, medication to hormonal changes.
The cause for her low libido would have to be dealt with first before you expect any sexual intimacy from her.
She may also need to feel understood and supported emotionally during her problems. If she does not feel that sense of closeness, she won't be affectionate. Women seek security in a relationship that often transcends sexual intimacy.
Men as species are more wired to sexual intimacy (there is nothing wrong with that but as individuals, each makes a choice of how to approach this situation) Try to listen to her, find out what she is experiencing and what she wants not only in the bedroom but otherwise. Romance her- bring her flowers, offer her a massage or schedule a couple's massage. Look into activities that would reconnect the two on an emotional level first then sexual.
Thanks I know it is not helping use living apart. Drives me mad, In my mind it just seems a one way relationship me doing all the giving, working full time, paying all the bills.