Hi and thanks for writing JA
I am sorry that we missed each other in chat and I have read your post. How sad that you find yourself in such distress.
I have two thoughts on this and one is that your husband does sound depressed but that also he is not measuring up to your expectations and it does not seem very likely that he will. What are your plans if he is not able to change?
I ask this because it is very hard for most to change and those who do change must work very hard at it (in therapy). I am wondering if you have begun to examine your options if he will not change. Will you stay with him and tolerate him as he is? or will you decide to leave him?
Thanks for the additional information so we can best help you from JA.