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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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I recently was dumped by my boyfriend of a few months. it is

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I recently was dumped by my boyfriend of a few months. it is the first relationship I have had in about 8 years. The relationship wasn't right and there were signs throughout, me not be sure of my feelings, him not having time to focus on the relationship. We did get on and have a lovely time for the few months but it always felt like it would end when I started back at uni. However it ended a few weeks before. I dont think I was expecting it to end when it did and I went into shock. I tried to hold onto him for a little longer on the evening he ended it but he made it clear it was over and I accepted that and deleted his contact details immediately. I can still kinf if remember his number and that is playing on my mind, but I have not tired to make contact. I believe that no contact is the best way of moving on, it is the first time I have adopted sucn ah approach, past boyfriends I have kept in my life and played games with for years after, I dont want that happening again, I do have moments of disappointment when I havent heard from him, but I am realise that it is a blessing, my emotions would be more checked up if this experience were to be prolonged. It has been two weeks since it ended and I feel miserable. I have cried most days. I feel scared of being on my own and feel like I am constantly looking for things to fill my time. I am able to see these are things that I had both before and during the relationship. I am not eating a great deal. For a period whilst in the relationship I was making myself sick after eating, something that I have not done before.

As I mentioned I am at uni, doing a course I have been aiming towards for the last few years. I do love my course and did amazingly well last year, so much better than I had hoped. I lost 5 and a half stone in weight over the last few years and am maintaining that. I recently completed my first half marathon. Having written all that, I just feel miserable and I am not sure why. I feel guilty for sitting around crying about a relationship that only lasted a few months. I wanna have some get up and go again.....I dont know what to do.....Also I have a broken toe so cant exercise for the next few weeks,

I guess what I am asking is, how do I feel better?

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. When a relationship ends it can be very overwhelming, producing many of the same feelings as when someone you love dies. Grieving the loss of the relationship, as well as the loss of what you hoped the relationship might become can be a difficult process. Keep in mind that the stages of grief include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It is important to keep in mind that time will help with the grief process, as well as allowing yourself to feel your feelings in small amounts without allowing them to overwhelm you and without judging your feelings. You might want to take some time each day to write about how you are feeling. It is important to be sure to eat regularly. If your appetite is low, try to eat small frequent healthy meals throughout the day. A lack of nutrition will interfere with the ability to think clearly, making it more difficult for you to cope and to attend to your studies.

 

Individual therapy can be very effective to help you to learn to feel your feelings in a safe way and develop tools to improve your mood. Other tools such as exercise (light given the broken toe), structuring your days with some social interaction, meditation, volunteering, working and avoiding alcohol, which is a depressant, can all be quite helpful. Think back to things that you enjoyed before the relationship and consider revisiting them. Even if you are not enjoying them right away you can "fake it till you make it". This is a time to work on taking good care of yourself and building your self esteem and confidence and to give yourself unconditional love. Remember that each relationship, no matter how long it lasts can be an opportunity to learn and grow. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have been having counselling through my uni but unfortunately that is coming to an end.

I do think having some structure back in my life will help me. I am trying to eat three little meals each day. I have had two extremely quiet days this weekend but I have some events coming up this week, theatre and a gig.

Working on my self esteem is something that I have been aiming to do for as long as I can remember. I am in the process of writing 50 qualities that I have and I am going to work on a life plan, set myself some goals, both short and long term.

I think, overall, I am being hard on myself for feeling down about the break up. I have written a list of what I learnt in the time of the relationship. I have also been keeping a journal of what has been going on for me each day.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am not sure why it has brought up relist.

The answer is useful. I think I am probably looking for reassurance that I am doing things write. I would say that I have to believe and trust in myself. I will get through this time.

Also, I do not drink alcohol. I gave it up a number of years ago.
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for clarifying. I am glad to hear that you are working on moving forward with working on your self esteem and listing your positive qualities, and planning for the future. Remember not to judge yourself for having feelings, whatever they are. It does sound as if you are on the right track. I wish you the best with this. Please press accept if this has been helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
Lori Gephart and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you fo your answer.

 

The question that I have spinning round in my head is, when will I feel better? I guess that is answered in everything you had said, move forward, do not feel bad for the feelings that I am experiencing.

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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart
President/Licensed Psychologist
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Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.