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Ask Cathy Your Own Question

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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my partner of 15 years recently moved out 3 months ago to be

Resolved Question:

my partner of 15 years recently moved out 3 months ago to be precise i think due to my selfish behaviour we are now living apart and I have had time to assess the situation and come to many realisations only she now doesn,t want to be with me I get impatient with her as I now know where I went wrong and want to try again she doesnt seem to want to

We are living in France and have 2 children who she looks after most of the time
I don,t want to move on I love them dearly and feel lost as what to do to regain her friendship and trust please help
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Cathy :

Hi and thanks for writing JA

Cathy :

are you there customer?

Customer :

yes

Cathy :

Hi how are you tonight?

Customer :

yes

Customer :

ok but frustrated

Cathy :

yes, I dont think we are connecting

Cathy :

okay I guess we are after all

Cathy :

okay

Cathy :

I have read your post.

Cathy :

you are frustrated because she is not giving you any more chances and now you have to move on and dont want to?

Cathy :

am I right?

Customer :

yes it seems that way

Cathy :

Okay.

Cathy :

so you have two choices as you know...............you can persist in trying to force her to change her mind which will just anger her further and push her away more or you can do as she asks and move on with your life.

Cathy :

which will it be, no matter how painful?

Customer :

i find that difficult to do and want my family back

Cathy :

Difficult to move forward?

Cathy :

or difficult to leave her alone?

Cathy :

which?

Customer :

yeah i,m in France we arrived here together and now i feel trapped into staying in france for my kids and also thinking of in the future meeting someone new in my own language

Cathy :

I am not following.

Cathy :

you are saying you cannot leave France because your children live there?

Customer :

diifficult to leave her alone

Customer :

yes

Cathy :

Okay thats a different story

Cathy :

If you wish to co parent your children in any way, whether you leave France or stay in France you are going to have to respect her wishes and leave her alone? Do you understand this?

Customer :

leaving her alone is exactly what i need to do but just cant I love her to bits but just didn,yt know how to show it just want another juchance thats all

Cathy :

She has said no

Cathy :

so you have to move forward before you create more damage here

Cathy :

you see, just because you want it to be so does not make it possible

Customer :

yeah hard to accept after 15 years and 2 beautiful children

Cathy :

You have to respect her wishes or it will get worse.

Cathy :

I understand that it is very difficult indeed and I am sure your kids are great

Cathy :

but there are two ways to handle this. smart way and not so smart way

Cathy :

If you are smart you respect their mothers wishes and move on withyour life

Cathy :

so that you can co parent these children together

Cathy :

and if you are not smart you will continue to apply pressure to her and drive her further away and risk more time with your kids.

Cathy :

the lesser of two evils in this case is at least having a good relationship so you can see your children no?

Cathy :

Dont lose them too

Customer :

when she left she said its over for now I still have a property to finish renovating which we signed for together now i have tons of work to do and find it hard as this was going to be our family home

Cathy :

what does over for now mean?

Cathy :

she sounds very very confused and immature if she said over for now?

Cathy :

how old is she?

Customer :

exactly

Customer :

38

Cathy :

Heck she is one very sick woman.

Cathy :

Grab those kids and run.

Cathy :

seriously

Cathy :

no one says over for now

Cathy :

thats what a six year old says

Cathy :

over for now

Cathy :

its either over or its not over

Cathy :

if she said over for now, get an attorney and you have grounds for full custody of your kids just on the basis of her bad behavior

Cathy :

if she said its over my previous answers apply

Customer :

she seems to be very instable and very strong at the same time crying a lot and flashing attention from other men in my face but just flirting

Cathy :

Either way I cannot imagine any court awarding her custody if she plays those kinds of games..... France is much more strict about these things than the US. She will be laughed out of court.

Cathy :

Cant be both.\

Cathy :

She is unstable and game playing. go to court and get custody of your kids before they are taken away. Promise you on this.

Cathy :

No sane 38 year old says over for now.

Cathy :

You can actually apply without an attorney in France. Just be sure you tell the court exactly what you wrote here.

Customer :

when i said what do you mean over for now she replies we;ll its over

Cathy :

take your kids and move on

Cathy :

Is it over or is it over for now?

Cathy :

you tell me

Customer :

i,d like to be a bit more patient with her I don,t want to get the legals in

Cathy :

You are harming your children by staying with this woman.

Cathy :

do you not care about your children?

Customer :

yes very much

Cathy :

then take the kids and leave

Cathy :

I cannot even believe you do not see this as a blessing

Cathy :

what kind of woman says its over for now?

Cathy :

fifteen years and two kids and its over for now?
honestly

Cathy :

get your kids and get out and dont look back.

Customer :

maybe she went to see a fortune teller lol

Cathy :

I have been in practice for over 30 years and treated thousands of couples this today, your post is the most bizarre ever.

Cathy :

yea

Customer :

what do you mean

Cathy :

Okay you will be fine. I think she did you a huge favor by leaving you. Now go to court, get custody and thank your lucky stars that you are able to get as far away from her as you can.

Cathy :

I have never heard of any adult ever say, over for now. Thats just insanity.

Cathy :

Its either over or its not, over for now, is insanity.

Cathy :

Dont lose a moments sleep on this. She did you a huge favor.

Customer :

look shes actually very sweet but very immature

Cathy :

Good Luck and very warm wishes to you. Sorry to had to live with this. Make better choices next time?

Cathy :


Well she is not stable enough to parent much less parent independently so you have your work cut out for you and if you think that is immaturity?\

Cathy :

Yikes.

Cathy :

Have a good night. get to court and get your kids to a safe place.

Cathy :

warm regards,

Cathy :

cathy

Customer :

cheers

Cathy :

good luck to you and good night



Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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