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Ask Cathy Your Own Question

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I feel so stressed out right now. I need someone to talk to.

Resolved Question:

I feel so stressed out right now. I need someone to talk to. First off, I started my first-ever good relationship on Monday. I have been abused in the past, and I really hope that this relationship works out. I am afraid of him leaving me for some reason. It also sounds like he only wants to talk to me when he has to. (His voice sounds more tired these past two days than before). He is busy right now, so it is hard to try to reach him to try to work this out.

My roommate (in college) is hardly ever in the room. So, I sent her an e-mail asking her about where the phone jack in the room is. She responded to the e-mail. In her e-mail, she told me things about me that were "bugging" her. I had no idea about these things before.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Cathy :

Hello JA customer are you there?

Cathy :

Hello?

Cathy :

Hi opera are you there?

Customer :

My computer was stubborn earlier.

Customer :

Sorry about that.

Cathy :

no problem

Cathy :

how are you tonight?

Customer :

stressed out

Cathy :

okay

Cathy :

I will do my best to help you.

Cathy :

I have one confused thing to clear up with you from your post, okay?

Customer :

Fortunately, the situation with my boyfriend got resolved.

Customer :

Okay.

Customer :

Sure.

Customer :

What needs clearing up?

Cathy :

okay so you started a new relationship on monday and you also have a boyfriend. Can you tell me more about the boyfriend. How long have you been dating and does he know that you began a new relationship on monday?

Customer :

I started a relationship with my current boyfriend on Monday.

Customer :

I would never cheat on him.

Cathy :

wait?

Cathy :

are you saying you started dating on Monday and you consider this man your boyfriend?

Cathy :

Monday was six days ago

Cathy :

this past monday?

Customer :

six days ago

Customer :

The situation with him got resolved.

Cathy :

okay so he is not your boyfriend he is someone you would like to be your boyfriend perhaps but if you only started dating him six days ago he is not your boyfriend.

Cathy :

okay good

Cathy :

okay what part got resolved and what part needs resolving?

Cathy :

hello?

Cathy :

are you there?

Customer :

I'm more worried about the roommate situation now.

Cathy :

ok

Cathy :

what is the issue with the roommate?

Cathy :

your computer is still givng you problems here?

Cathy :

what did your roomate say was bugging her about you?

Cathy :

Hello?

Customer :

I'm thinking about that e-mail that she sent.

Cathy :

okay can you share with us the email she sent? or some part of it

Cathy :

I take it from earlier exchanges you are a freshman?

Customer :

sophomore

Cathy :

I see

Cathy :

so what is bugging your roommate what did she say?

Customer :
Well, I think the phone jack is on my side of the room by my desk. I'm not sure where we would put the phone though, my desks are kinda filled, we'd have to figure that out, but I've got a few other things I wanted to talk about with you. I've been contemplating this for a while and really have held off on it because I don't like to come across as mean or anything. I've also talked to Markita and gotten her advice, but our room situation isn't working for me at all.
The biggest thing is how messy your side of the room is. There's constantly clothes on the chair and stuff all over the desks. You have 2 cases of water and a package of teas behind the door, plus your shoes, which makes it really difficult for me to prop open the door if I want to. Your backpack is also really in the way where it's at. Plus the stuff that spills out from under your bed gets in the walkway a lot; I've tripped over your stuff before. Another thing that's really bothering me is the wash clothes drying on bottles around the room. That's actually really gross, plus with you having the Staph infection a few weeks ago, I'm surprised I never got it. And yesterday when I was cleaning I had to cut out some of the fuzzies on my rug because next to your garbage can I found something sticky in it. I can deal with some clutter, but your side is just messy, and it's going so far as to make me anxious and nervous in the room. Plus, I have allergies. i clean at least once a week to keep things from being too dusty.
I've also noticed our room has a bad smell to it. I was thinking it was the laundry in the closet, but it doesn't smell any worse in there than in the rest of the room. The smell is bad enough that I don't want to bring people over, and Jimmy doesn't want to come over. I febreeze all the time, the smell doesn't go away.
The last thing is when you do your voice homework. One day you did it at 8 am while I was sleeping. That was extremely rude, and it woke me up. Plus if I'm doing homework in there, it is extremely distracting. I know you have to do it, but if you need to do it in the mornings, I would really prefer you go to a lounge, or do it when I'm not in the room in the evenings.
On the back of our roommate agreement there is a list of things we're each entitled to as a student living in a dorm room. According to that,we are entitled to live in a clean room, to sleep undisturbed at night, and to read and study free from undue interference. I honestly feel like these are being violated, and I don't find that fair at all. I'm sorry if you take this whole message as me just being mean or rude, because that's not what I intended at all, I just feel that we aren't really compatible roommates, and that some things need to change, or someone needs to move out. Right now I haven't been staying in our room at all because of the condition it's in. I honestly have begun to think that you don't respect the fact that someone else lives there as well.
- Jen
Customer :

That was the e-mail.

Cathy :

So you are stressed because you did not respect her or the shared space and she has called you on this?

Cathy :

so all that needs be done is that you change that :)

Customer :

She is barely there.

Cathy :

all that must be done is that you be more respectful of her space.

Cathy :

she lives there

Customer :

She sleeps in the room only once or twice per week.

Cathy :

she is barely there because your behavior disturbs here but it is still where she lives

Cathy :

she is barely there because she cannot stand the smell or the mess

Cathy :

its her room too

Customer :

I took care of the smell today.

Cathy :

you must be respectful of this?

Cathy :

what happened to your freshman roommate?

Customer :

I have tried cleaning up the room before a few times.

Cathy :

there should not have been a smell to begin with tho?

Cathy :

okay

Customer :

It was just a pair of shoes, that's all.

Cathy :

there should not have been a smell to start with and you must pick up after yourself. Its not your room. Its her room too and she is not spending time there because it must be so unpleasant for her. Does not matter if it were smelly shoes or a dead rat. still smells bad and she should not have to live with that?

Cathy :

so you start cleaning up every day after yourself and no bad smells

Cathy :

also if you have homework to do that will awaken her you go to the lounge instead of the room

Customer :

I ordered a new pair of shoes and threw the old ones away.

Cathy :

no reason to stress\

Cathy :

just do what she has asked yuo to do.

Cathy :

you are not getting the problem here

Customer :

I cannot focus in the lounge.

Cathy :

its not the shoes it is your behavior that is the problem.

Cathy :

then do your homework later in the day and not in the lounge, you have no right to do that when she is sleeping.

Customer :

I don't remember ever doing that to her.

Cathy :

Well apparently you did that/

Cathy :

Time to become more aware of her and others.

Customer :

maybe one time if ever

Cathy :

Tidy up that room, be considerate and clean and you will have no reason to stress.

Cathy :

augh

Cathy :

one time is one time too many

Customer :

I already did those things.

Cathy :

okay I think you are not here for an expert answer after all but I wish you luck and hope school goes well for you.

Cathy :

Best wishes.

Customer :

Thank you for your help.






Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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