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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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Is it normal for your husband to look at porn When I was

Customer Question

Is it normal for your husband to look at porn? When I was pregnant and taking a shower he looked at porn when I was in the shower. He also looked at porn on the computer and rubbed his penis dry the entire weekened I was gone after having a baby and nursing her. We were still having sex. He masterbates in the shower at least once a week more or less as far as I know.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi thanks for writing JA

 

Yes, your husband sounds pretty normal given what you have posted. Who told you about his masturbation the weekend you were gone? Did he?

So far, given what you have posted there is nothing here to suggest mental illness.

If you have more questions please ask.

Warm regards, Cathy

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I found the history on our computer. It just hurts me that everyone says how beautiful I am inside and out and I just can't understand that why in his free time does he want to look at other girls vaginas and playing with themselves naked when I am gone? Or even when I was in the shower one time he was on the computer looking at porn??? This is normal? We were married less than a year and should be having a good sex life. Granted, he's never had a steady girl friend and has pleasured himself for the longest time but it makes me feel like I want to find a guy who just wants to have sex with me.
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

I am sorry that it hurts you. Most men engage in these types of behaviors. It does not mean or has ever meant that they do not love or desire the women they are married to.

 

Yes, the expert answer is that it is normal. I can give you other answers that may prefer more, but the expert answer is yes, it is normal.

 

You sound confused as if you equate sex with love. No man on the planet thinks that way. He is being true to you by not going out and having sexual relations with other women. In his fantasy world he is just engaging in fantasy. I am not sure how you see that as a betrayal because it really isn't.

 

If you wish to find a man who never fantasizes about other women you are not going to find him and if you do, he is lying to you or so sexually repressed you will be beyond miserable.

 

The expert answer is no he is not behaving abnormally and I am sorry that you are unhappy about the expert response. I can answer this in a way to make you feel better but it would not be ethical and I am a licensed therapist. So.............. let me know how best to help you further on this?

 

Warm regards, Cathy

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much. Do you think I should set limits and say, yes you can look at porn as long as I'm not home / around?
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi and no. I think rather than set limits let him know that is hurts you and ask him how and when he can look at porn so as to not harm you so.

I don't wonder if he should stop altogether.

If you say, do not watch when I am home, he will feel controlled.

Have a sit down and just say, it hurts me, can we work something out here so you can do this and it wont hurt me so much :)

I know you hurt very much on this and I Hope you feel better soon.

Warm regards,

Cathy

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you again for your help. Are there men that don't look at porn and only want their wives to have sex with and appreciate their bodies? Or is it just in a man's DNA?
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Its not in a mans DNA and I am sure that there are a few men out there who do not look at porn.

Just because your husband is viewing pornography does not mean he is betraying you. It does not mean he wants to be intimate with the women he is viewing. I am sure your husband does appreciate you, your body and your sexuality. He can do both, view porn and be in love with his wife.

 

Your issue is not with your husband, its with your Mom who should have taught you these things before you married. Normal, healthy men view porn and look at other attractive women all the time and it means nothing more than that. He is not betraying you in his behaviors.

Rest easy on this. I am sorry that no one told you this before and you have suffered so much anxiety around it.

Take good care and warm wishes to you.

Cathy

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