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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hi, I am thinking about splitting up with my partner but Im

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Hi, I am thinking about splitting up with my partner but I'm unsure. We have been together since I was sixteen and I'm now twenty eight. He is eleven years older than me. I still love him, and we are best friends. We have lived together for about four years. I know he loves me very much. The problem is that I have been sort of panicking a bit over the past couple of years as I know he would like to get married and start having kids. Unfortunately we have not had sex this year, perhaps once last year, maybe once the year before, and the same the year before! I do not ever feel like I want to because I don't feel that way towards him anymore. We have spoken about this, and he knows I have thought about leaving, he definitely doesn't want to split.Not sure what to do. Sometimes I feel a bit of resentment towards him, as I have been with him for all of my adult life. I find myself often wondering about the life I would have had, and the people I would have met, and where I would be. The only reason I stayed in my home town was because of my partner - i have very little family.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this difficult time you are having. It is great that you both talk about the problems in your relationship and as you talk about how your relationship isn't working, be sure that both of you agree to come up with possible solutions in the areas that your relationship is not working and to try them out until you both find a solution. In order to try and get the closeness and intimacy you both desire you could try doing intimacy exercises. Here is a book that you could buy which gives details about the exercises, click here The book is designed to bring you both closer by doing various intimacy exercises which would hopefully lead both of you to desiring to have sex with each other. Also, you could check your local library to see if it has a copy available for free check out. Sex therapists specialize in reviving relationships that do not have sexual passion. click here: for free information available on the website from a reputable sex therapist, Dr. Berman. If after pursuing all of the above options, you still feel distant and you still do not desire to have sex with him, then you should revisit your initial thought about separating from the relationship because you both would have tried and tried with continual unsatisfactory results and you both deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you very much for your answer! I would just like to add to this if you don't mind. I have actually gone as far as viewing flats for rent, and I have accepted one - I'm due to move in on Monday. When talking to my partner about this, he was extremely upset and distressed, which I found extremely upsetting. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I can't come up with a final decision and I have never been so torn. Leaving will mean that my entire life changes, and I find that I have never been this scared in my life before. Staying means I get to keep my best friend who I get on with so well, and carry on being comfortable. It also means accepting that I will never get to do the things I have always wanted to do, like travelling, experiencing new environments, moving away from my hometown, as these are things he really doesn't want to do. But if I stay I know we would always be alright. If I don't go for this flat it'll be a relief, but I'll probably never do it again because it's such a distressing, horrible experience.
I understand your concern. I think that you should consider trying my previous suggestions before moving out because if the options that you try do not work, then you would know that you have done all that you could have to try and make your relationship work. However, if you move out now, you may always wonder "what if I had stayed and tried the different options" and you may have a nagging discomfort. If you choose to stay, be sure that he understands that a condition of you staying is that he will participate in the options I previously suggested along with anything else that you think of in order to try and make your relationship better. Of course only you can decide what to do, however, please consider my previous answers as well as this answer in making your decision because it seems to boil down to stay and work on the relationship or move out and keep your relationship at the best friend status and explore new things- you have to decide which one you want to do based on all that we have shared.
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