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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi , Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Why is it when there is a bully within a family (my father)

Customer Question

Why is it when there is a bully within a family (my father) is that person allowed to manipulate and assassinate the characters other members for no reason than to get people to takes sides? In essence dividing a family which in reality he could care less about.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.



Some of the family member may be enabling his behavior with their responses to him/tolerance. If a person is codependant, their reaction would continue to reinforce his behavior. He too may have some personality traits affecting his behavior.


Other factors that may be playing a role in this is possible intimidation or fear of his actions/words. If he is not capable of admitting any wrong on his part, it is doubtful that he would have an epiphany one day and change. Speculation- a person with a Dependant personality disorder/traits can foster this sort of a relationship w/ a man like you father.


In order for him to change, he must be willing and there must be reasons for him wanting to change. If he gets away with what he is doing/saying, he would lack motivation.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have just asked a new question which is a continuation of the above. Thank you

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.
I would see it only if it is under this thread (otherwise, it posts in the queue and any expert is free to answer it)
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Is it because I have had discussions with him personally about extremely important issues (such as having witnessed along with my cousin, him over medicating his dying mother with oxycotin when his other sibblings were not there.) She passed within a week of her diagnosis. He is a deplorable human who unfortunatelly is my father which gives him the upper hand. No father would want to assassinate his only daughter, right. He has referred to me to other people as a "broad" and his pet name for his mother was "old bag". What would it take for me to be able to regain my relationships with my other family members who I have consistently been there for and loved without condition?


Already Tried:
Tried to share my feelings with my family but whatever he says must be so ugly that I am the evil person. He calls me bi-polar, a drug addict and his new one is that I blackout from drinking so much I can't remember what crap I've said. I am so sad and I am beginning to doubt myself and it is taking a toll on me to say the least.

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

The discussions may be a reason but not necessarily the only one. He may not be emotionally mature to handle criticism. If he is verbally abusive, that may be his way of redirecting the attention onto you and others instead of dealing with his issues (defense mechanism).


His personality also may predispose him to acting in this way. Regardless of what he had told other family members about you, they would have to make their own conclusions. You do not have to doubt yourself. Everyone has a subjective view and you've shared yours with him and the family.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

So many people have told me the same thing and I agree. What is not getting through my head is this is not the way "NORMAL fathers" act. There lays the answer. I'm expecting from him something he isn't capable of being. Normal.


Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.
You are expecting something from him that he is not capable of giving. It is a bit different than him being able and depriving you from it. This is all he can do at this level of him spiritual, moral, emotional and psychological evolving. It has nothing to do with you. It it is his life and his ability or inability to function as a dad in this life.

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