We live in Iowa and no I don't want information concerning divorce.
I don't have a legal question. When sending this I was under the impressing it was going to an expert for marital help
I have gotten us in couples counceling face-to-face. I have suggested to the counselor perhaps he needs to see my husband alone because often in or sessions, the counsler understands what I am trying to communicate to my husband but for some reason my husband doesn't get the message.
It has been a long time since I felt an emotional connection with my husband but it has been within the last few years that I have developed feelings of abandonment and emptyness. Primarily since our boys have become older teenagers. I believe this is due to the fact that my husband has always wanted to be more the friend than the parent to our boys. I have always been the main displinary parent and my boys have been shown by my husbands actions that he will allow me to take the blame, disrespect and any anger handed out for what ever situation as long as it is me that is the (mean, bad) parent and my boys aren't upset with him. This situation has gotten really bad since my younger son has gotten his drivers licence. My husband doesn't take my concerns, fears, suggestions seriously and this has given my younger son the impression he has more adult status in this family than he should. My husband doesn't support me emotionally. He expresses constantly that he is out on the road making a living to support his family and he doesn't understand what I always complaining about.
I have told my husband that the things I am trying to get from him do not cost a dime. I told him that as a woman, I want to feel special. I want to feel desired. My husband gets mad at me and takes my words as a belittling negative view of him and I asked him in 20 yrs, when is the last time you held your wife in your arms, looked in my eyes and
said I Love you. NEVER is the answer. I tell him when he comes home, behind the bedroom doors, his attempt at "love making" starts with the chest, then the crotch and he may never utter a word or even look at my face let alone into my eyes and he doesn't understand when I tell him I have no emotional connection to him. I have printed off information on emotional intimacy for him to read, I have given him books and he doesnt put any effort into learning about the things I keep saying to him. Our children are 21 and 17.5 yrs old.
Thank You for your response. While my husband is on the road, I keep busy with multiple projects, I work outside the home and I also maintain everything that a home requires. I do my best to handle each and every issue, problem, project with out imposing on others. However, I know when I need assistance with something and will ask when needed. I have NO family to really speak of for some reason (some known, some unknown) my family does not communicate with me unless I make the effort. I have always made the phone calls, always driven the distance and yet it is like out of sight out of mind. I am the type of person who will help ANYONE with out asking whats in it for me. I am not the type of person who has a (poor me) attitude. I have been disowned from my family for sitting at the wrong place at a family members funeral.
I come from a abusive back ground. I was raised in NY and was sexually, emotionally,physically abused at the hands of my step father. I suffer from depression. I take meds for that. have gone through counciling to deal with the anger issues and quite frankly I believe I am an intelligent, level headed hard working woman despite the major hardships in my life. I feel that others are intimadated by my achievements and instead of being supportive and proud of the person I have become, I am looked down upon. As you probably know, it is easier to judge than it is easier to educate.
I am thinking now that perhaps on trying so hard to get from my husband what am lacking, maybe I need to learn how to just accept what I don't have and work on just being civil. I truely believe there is something very wrong with me. I only want what I think every woman and some men need as a person to feel alive.