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Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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have been split for 2+months now, we have been throgh more

Customer Question

have been split for 2+months now, we have been throgh more than most couples over the last 4 years, i was in prison for 9 months abroad! we were to be getting married but we both let our relationship drift since my release over the last couple of years. we've had a trial break and now she doesn't want to be with me anymore and that she's not in love with me anymore. I respect and love her for that she has done for me over the years but i know i have taken her for granted and that i haven't shown how much i do. all the little things like flowers etc. please what can i do?
Andy
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Hi Andy,

 

Do you live close to each other and will she be willing to meet w. you?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
<p> </p><p>Hi, Natalie lives about 30mins away from me with her sister and husband where she has our dog and enjoying being on her own and doing the things she wants to do! She also wants to be able buy a newer car and save to buy her own property. She did say that she would meet up with me after she came back from a short break with her sister, but nothing has happened. She's just been emailing me about bills and when i can have the dog, she has also been asking if I've moved out of the house, if not why etc.</p><p>Thanks </p><p>Andy</p>
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for clarifying.

 

It would be preferable to talk to her in person. She already knows where you stand in this based on the messages you've shared with her. She would need to see some changes in your behavior if she is ever to reconsider getting back together.

 

When you see her in person, ask her what are some of the things she would like to have in a relationship. Together, go over the factors that led to the drifting apart in the relationship after you were released from prison. If there were things you were responsible for, let her know you accept those mistakes.

 

All relationships have some ups and downs. What makes some relationships last is the ability of each partner to work on those issues. It is possible that you've grown apart because the two of you had changed in some ways. If one person is not ready or willing to deal with the others changes, that may cause friction.

 

Hold onto sending flowers and try to focus on open communication w her and best to be done in person. You could write down some of the things you want to talk about and also ask her to do the same so the time you see each other is utilized appropriately.

She may be cautious now and not wanting to get hurt or disappointed and may seem distant emotionally because of that. Give her some time to deal with her feelings.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

 

Thank you.

As i said before, we were to get married, it was initially spoke about when I was in prison in france! But then i was extradited back to the UK not Knowing what i was going to be facing. I was sentenced back in March of this year and my probation period ends on xmas eve this year. My main cocentration was to put all the bad behind us, to then open a new and happier door and then do the proposal etc etc. I really have been an idiot, she stuck by me all through this, both financially and emotionally. I have the utmost respect and loyalty towards her and would just like to be able to show her all of this and a whole lot more and make her the happiest woman ever!

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.
Let her know that you've learned from the past and are willing to show her that. If she is willing to give the relationship a chance, then you take things slowly. There is always the option of couple's counseling and you could ask her if that is what she would be interested in exploring with you. Point out to her that before she calls it quits all together it may be worth at least trying to work it out first.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have suggested all of that and when she wrote to me at the beginning of september she said she thinks it'time to end our relationship

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