It is preferable that a mother and daughter relationship exists but how important it is depends on other things such as- did you have a female role model, did another female substituted for your mother ex:grandmother, etc.
As an adult, you can decide on what sort of a relationship you want to have. There will be discrepancies in how you and your mother interpret events. Everyone sees it from their subjective point of view.
You may try to see it from her angle. Is it possible that she had to work hard to provide for her family, was it jealousy that affected your feelings and perception not wanting to share her time w/ others, etc.
What is important now is what sort of a relationship you can establish with her in the present moment.
My mom didn't have to work hard to provide for us, we were fine. Plus, she would chose students over us after school hours, she is an ESL teacher to hispanic high school students, they would stop by unannounced, at least to me and my sister and dad, they even would come over on holidays sometimes, like mothers day, her birthday, halloween, others. we all got so mad at her and the students when that happened, but we never confronted her about it... well once my dad mentioned to her i didn;t like it when she would be on the phone at my soccer games, but that didn't last.
my parents are now divorced for 3 1/2 years, my mom was the one to leave, I saw it coming, they had one fight in front of us and after that my mom slept downstairs, it wasn't even that big of a fight, she was kind of yelling at me and my dad stood up for me because with her I can never win. my dad got a girlfriend and remarried within the year and my mom is still single. I have a strong relationship with my dad, we are very similar in our behavior and views on things which makes it easy to talk to him and he understands.
I'm not sure if I have a female role model, at least not an obvious one that was always there
you are most likely going to say to fix the relationship i should confront her but she isn't going to change and i'm at college now so I don't want her to try and change and stop talking to them because they are her friends and she doesn't have very many people. though i guess that could be fear that she won;t change if i did talk to her.
She says she misses me but I don't really miss her, is that weird I don't really miss people or I feel weird saying that i miss people, I have problems with saying feelings about people to others I haven't been able to get very close to people thou thats probly because a friend i got really close to hurt me emotionally in elementary school but I think I'm getting better now I'm openning up a bit more to people I'm trying to change..