Hello and thank you for this question.
You have provided great detail about the situation and it's clear that a minor incident does escalate into a much bigger argument as your girlfriend has trouble expressing her emotions in the moment. Holds it in and lets it build. Traveling and moving, finding new jobs, getting engaged etc. can be stressful as well. However I agree that it's crucial for a successful relationship that you BOTH are able to have insight into your own issues and take accountability as needed. You are wise to wait to get married until this issue is resolved. Taking the ring back and saying you are single on FB is also destructive as it's not a constructive way to handle this problem. The solution here is obvious. You need to get back into relationship counseling. Now that the two of you are in the same location, you can do that again. That is what is needed as your gf needs an objective 3rd party to mirror her and show her that there are two sides here, and some of this is about her as well. So you know the answer. I would give her back the ring, as really a ring should only be taken away if you two are broken up for good. Give her the ring, but tell her that you want to get these issues resolved in counseling, before setting a wedding date or getting married. So that the two of you can start your marriage with these communication tools and skills in place, and have a good start to your marriage.
In summary, get back into couples counseling soon. Please click ACCEPT, otherwise I'm not paid for my answer. Or, feel free to ask for more info. from me if needed. Thank you. Kristin
Thank you for the feedback. I was hoping that you would also have some insight on what I can do in the immediate future (i.e. while looking for an appropriate counselor) to help the situation and get her to recognize her role in creating situations.
In the immediate future, you can let her know that you are more than willing to take accountability for the mistakes you have made, and to address them. That they only way to learn from mistakes is to first be able to admit when you have made one. That you are not trying to blame her, win an argument, or point a finger. But that you are simply concerned that if she isn't willing to ever look at herself and her own actions, behaviors that you are concerned you two won't be able to grow together as a couple.
That what works best is when solutions from mistakes can be reached, so that the situation doesn't reoccur and you can move forward together. Write down 2-3 examples in which you felt you had something to learn from what you had done. Then ask her if she can do the same about her.... if she can, that is good. If she cannot even come up with 2 examples, then you have a very very big issue to overcome.
You cannot change her, only set your own limits. LEt her know that in a marriage, problems will arise and the two of you need to have a way of communicating and working through things together, in order to have a good marriage, so you really want to get some counseling together now. Frame it positively. This is also a pattern in her, that again may be longstanding, and is best worked through with a counselor. Please click ACCEPT, otherwise I'm not paid for my assistance. Thank you.