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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Hi, Im just getting back into the dating scene after four

Resolved Question:

Hi,

I'm just getting back into the dating scene after four years alone. I just moved to a new area about six weeks ago and about three weeks after I came here, this guy I met out a few times via mutual friends asked me to go out. Since the first time we went out, we've gone out/hung out just the two of us a total of four times. I'm starting to like him, but I can't read his intentions at all. He's very gentlmanly, and when we part for the night, he always gives me a hug. I don't know if I should ask him what his intentions are, and I don't want to scare him, but I would feel a lot better if I knew what he thought. He finalized a divorce two years ago. Any advice is very welcome, thank you!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have shared it sounds that all is going great! However, since you have only gone out with him 4 times, honestly it's to soon to know what his intentions are and he also may not even know himself because the two of you are still getting to know each other. Therefore, if you ask him what his intentions are now, I think you may scare him off because he is probably just enjoying getting to know you and being with you. I think further down the road after you both have had time to really get to know each other it would be appropriate to ask him what his intentions are, but not now. Enjoy getting to know him so that you both get to know each other better.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just thought that since he is starting a new job where he will be working 4 days during the week from 3 PM - 11 PM and every other weekend, and I work pretty much 6 AM to 6 PM Monday through Friday that if I were going to say anything at all, I should say it now.

I worry that my body language is making him think I'm not looking for more. What would be good then, to let him know that I definitely want to see more of him and that I hope he can make time for me even after he starts his new job without coming out and saying "I really like you and I enjoy spending time with you"? Don't direct statements like that scare people off in this stage of dating?
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
I understand your concern and I think it's all about how you say what you want to say. Making the statement that you mentioned above does not necessary scare people off depending on your timing and how you phrase it. Therefore, I suggest feeling him out by casually telling him when your together again that you enjoy spending time with him (-this is a positive statement without pressure because your not asking him for anything) and this statement lets him know how you feel without any pressure added. Then based upon how he reacts, if his reaction is positive, you could add that you also really like him and then leave it at that for now. However, if his reaction is questionable or negative do not share anything more at this point such as you really like him. Approaching him in the above manner is a safe way to approach him because you are not asking him anything, instead you are making positive statements. This is also the way to go versus asking him what his intentions are at this stage of your relationship. Friendship are built on honest communications and this is what you would be doing in a non pressuring manner.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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