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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My husband has been watching the US open (tennis) for hours

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My husband has been watching the US open (tennis) for hours every day after work this week. I feel neglected because we do not spend time together doing things. He realized I was upset and asked me what I want to do this weekend. I said "tennis". I wasn't serious, and sometimes I do watch with him, but not for hours on end. So he said "well their is finals this weekend, so I will be watching it." That comment took the wind out of my sail because I knew that whatever plan I come up with on the weekend - he will spend the remaining hours on end watching tennis. Why does it bother me and should I just make plans for us this weekend and put up with him watching finals - OR should I stop begging for attention and make my own plans so he starts feeling the void and eventually starts paying more attention to me?
Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

If your husband is that passionate about tennis, it would be useless to make plans to try to get him away from the television. He'll only resent it, and you'll end up having a bad time together.

He told you in advance he was going to watch the finals, so the best thing would have been to make plans to be out of the house, doing something you enjoy. Men and their sports have a bond many women can't understand, but I can assure you it's a strong one.

Since this is a predicable, recurring event each year, this would be a great time to arrange a "girls retreat" and go somewhere fun each year at this time, leaving the couch potatoes at home. If you don't have a circle of friends available, visit family. Take yourself to a day spa and luxuriate in the time alone.

If none of those work, could you invite other couples over and make a party of it?
At least this way, you would have company.

The point is that even married people need time apart, and independent interests. Without this, things can become mundane and boring. One weekend of not being with your husband could be an opportunity for you, not a source of conflict. No two people can be everything to each other. The fact that him not being available for a week is so upsetting suggests that you may need more interesting things in your own life so you are not dependent on him in order to enjoy your life.

I wish you the best,
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