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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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Hi,I am a divorced mother (10 years)of teenagers, one boy

Resolved Question:

Hi,
I am a divorced (10 years) mother of 17 yr old teenagers, one boy and girl. I have never lived with a man since my husband, and have dated only when my kids are with their Dad.

In the past year I have grown close to one man, but still kept it separate. My teens asked to meet him, as they know of him, of course. Since then, he has been over to spend some time with me, on some weekends for a few hours, when my kids are home.

Last weekend my son had a female friend from high school over briefly while we were there. After they left, my boyfriend said,"Wow, she's cute!!!!" Then a few hours later my boyfrined asked," What's her name?" And I said, "Why?" he then avoided the question with another question, "Oh you don't know her name?" I said, "Yes but I'd rather not say, it's his business." My boyfriend quickly changed the subject.

This bothered me. I felt it was inappropriate. I feel unsure about this man's maturity and morals. He is also a divorced father who has a daughter and son as well.

Am I reading to much into this? It is stuck on my mind and I am considering ending our relationship, being very concerned about having a grown man around my teenagers who seemed suddenly smitten by one of the young girls.

Thanks so much,
Teen Mom
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

 

I can understand how him referring to the girl as cute and asking about her name a couple of hours later (showing he was still thinking about her) would bother you!

 

Is it enough to end the relationship over? The fact that this has occurred to you is probably an indication that you have had some other doubts about this man, whether conscious or not.

 

If I'm wrong, and there have not been any other red flags (and I mean none) during the time you've known him, then it may be rash to end it over that statement. But having said that, I would not have him over while your children are home.

 

I have to admit to that my "antenna" went up as I read your note. A simple "she's cute" wouldn't be a huge cause for concern. But why would he still be thinking about her several hours later? That just seems strange, and a little creepy (not a technical term, but it fits).. He has a daughter of his own--you would think that would make him sensitive to appropriate behavior & comments.

 

It's almost impossible to be too careful in this day and age. And I have a feeling that this won't fade from your memory, and will keep you from feeling relaxed and secure about this man.

 

It may be time to move on. Better safe than having to worry about such things with a man you're dating. I've treated too many children & teens that were molested by their mother's boyfriends to think that nothing could happen.

I wish you the best,

Suzanne

 

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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Suzanne
Suzanne
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338 Satisfied Customers
Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency