Hello and thank you for your question.
Your feelings are really not that unusual. I can give you a more thorough and complete response however if I have just a bit more information from you.
When your friend is trying to form a relationship with your other best friend, is she leaving you out? Meaning making plans without including you? Not telling you that she talked to your other best friend? Or is it more that she is trying to form a friendship and also include you, do things as a group etc? How did these two meet? You say that you feel betrayed. Is that what bothers you about this, or are you also worried that they will become better friends, and not be friendly with you anymore? Thank you for answering these questions. I will then respond to you immediately with a full suggestion of how to proceed.
Thanks for your response. Two years ago, my friend made arrangements to meet my other friend without my knowledge. This happened when they were both at a party at my house. The second friend came up to me quite upset, actually, to let me know. After thinking about it for a day, I asked her not to go ahead with the meeting. At the time, I felt very befuddled about the whole thing (I actually felt like I was acting like a teenager), but I thought if they met, I would feel even worse.
Since then, I never had the two of them together, although the first friend kept asking me if we three couldn't all go to dinner sometime.
Last night was a holiday, and I decided that two years have passed. I had already invited the second friend, and a bit relunctantly, I asked the first one - thinking that I needed to get over my anxiety.
I heard them making some kind of arrangement in the kitchen. I think the first friend was asking her to take bridge lessons or some such thing (I"m not exactly sure and haven't asked). I don't plan to interfere again - they are all adults, but I found last night when I wrote you that I was really furious about this. I don't think my friend has any knowledge about boundearies in this sort of situation.
Thanks for any advice you can give me.
I already accepted your last reply but I have one more question on the same topic. I would like to approach my first friend about this. How could I approach her without insulting her or looking foolish myself. Thanks for your help.
You could say something like I overheard you and (name of other friend), talking in the kitchen about bridge lessons. That sounds like a lot of fun.... and then wait and see if she invites you too or simply how she responds. Say something like I really like (the other friend) and see what she says...so that you are talking about her. You could then say something like, we all have fun together so maybe we could all do the bridge lessons, or say... is there a reason you are trying to do things with (other friend), without me? It makes me feel uncomfortable when you approach her, and I was just curious what your feelings were. And then see what she says. Hope this helps. :)
I have been giving this some thought. Your first friend could have avoided all of this hurt and annoyance by simply not overstepping her boundaries and if, she did want to do something with your other friend, you should have been the one to set it up, with all three of you, certainly not excluded. Either she is not a loyal friend, or is completely clueless that this behavior is offensive. The result though is the same that you are hurt and annoyed. You could tell her that her actions have made you feel hurt and you wonder where she is coming from. Or, you could not say anything, and just keep in mind that she is not as loyal as one would hope in a best or good friend. I would not lose her completely as a friend over this, but just keep in mind her tendency to overstep her boundaries in this area. You could say, you know how you were saying what a good friend I am, and how true I am, etc. well something you did, has hurt me, as it's something I would not do and I just wanted to clear the air...and then ask her why she did this and that you felt she was trying to exclude you, or take your friend, etc.
Again, you can approach her in that manner, or say nothing at all, and just be aware of this shortcoming in her. I would not have the two of them together again, until this is sorted out. Hope this helps!