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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1473
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Ive got an unusual situation that Im not sure what to do

Customer Question

I've got an unusual situation that I'm not sure what to do with. I'm very good friends with this girl that I met about a year ago and we've grown very close. She has a lot of problems and to avoid writing a book about it, shes told me that I'm the only one thats ever been there for her and the only one that truely cares. She lives a few states away so we're not able to see eachother often but we talk every day and text all the time. From what I can gather she wants to have a relationship consisting of more then just friendship, shes made that pretty clear to me in indirect ways. Yet when I try to get a direct answer through text I never get one. One plain example would be when I went to visit her a few weeks ago and I asked her out in person this time and was denied. I can accept she dosn't want to be together right now I suppose but she still saying things that suggest she wants more. A good instance would be just recently she was telling me how she was watching a movie with some of her friends and two of them were cuddling and she commented to me on how much she missed that via text. I was wondering what to do since I feel like I'm not good enough for her since I was clearly denied, twice infact. Yet she still says I'm the only one thats there for her when she needs it. I'm not sure what to make of it as I would like to be more and shes telling me indirectly that she wants to be more too yet I was clearly denied twice when I flat out asked her in person. Also I have mixed feelings about how I should feel about certin things. For instance we're not technicaly together so should I feel jealous about her wanting to be with other people or not? And similar things like that.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 6 years ago.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne is the girl has problems, as you have started out by saying. And so you expect there not to be problems when it comes to the two of you??? Strike one! She has told you twice that she is not into you as a boyfriend. Strike two! Giving you mixed signals. Strike three! Living far apart. Strike four! Oh and did I mention she denied you twice??? We will give that another strike!!! Move on and away from her as fast as possible. If you have to beg her to be your girlfriend then it definitely will not work out. She told you twice so now you need to accept that and find someone who will not deny you and feels the same way you do. I promise you that you are getting yourself into trouble if you keep pursuing this relationship.

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