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Kristin
Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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WILLING TO PAY BONUS... BF sister hit me.. how do i handle

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Well over the Labor day weekend i was at my boyfriends river front vacation house with the rest of his family and some friends ..His older sister has been very angry with me for some time for literally unknown reasons. We used to be good friends .. we would call and send emails to each other but probably for the last year we have not spoken... there was nothing significant between us that happened. Now, i have been unhappy with her .. she has done some pretty rotton things to me, telling my BF that i am excluded from events that she has planned, she damaged my car and was not going to tell me and then couldnt pay for it on her own so my BF paid for it and a few others ... Now i expressed my anger and disappointment with my BF but that is as far as it went although i am not 100% on that .. he could have said something to her .. but it is as if she wants to sabatoge our relationship.... but okay .. Sooo this weekend she attacked me .. just because i asked her... after she was staring me down for an hour .. i looked at her and asked.... What? do you have a problem with me? she didnt say anything ..; i walked away and then she charged after me into my room with the door shut and pushed and punched me saying that she would just as well would rather slap me ... then my BF came in and broke it up .. he told her to leave ... but i sure didnt get much support from him either ... he said we were both at fault ... for what .. i didnt do anything wrong .Sorry but i am not going to fight back .. i am have more class then that ... she is 50 yrs old and i am 47.... come on now .. we are not in high school anymore ... What happened to talking things out and using our words ... but needless to say this has not made me feel angry, defeated and scared that this is not over .. now i feel that i have to watch my back..... my BF thinks that it is over .. does he not realize what a phyco bitch that his sister is..... i think he knows but doenst want to deal..... What should i do... how should i handle this.... This sure doesnt help the relationship with my live in BF and me ... and he doesnt really want to talk any more about it either... Help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

Your BF's sister physically attacking you is completely over the top! You have tried to inquire about what the problem she has with you might be, and rather than talk with you, she punched and screamed at you. I would definitely NOT go to any family events where she will be present. The issue here, honestly, is your boyfriend's reaction. He is not being supportive enough of you and how she is treating you. He should be outraged at her abuse of you, and let her know that she owes you an apology and that she will never treat you this way again. If she will not do this, then your boyfriend also needs to eliminate contact with her and not attend any functions where she is present. It sends the wrong message, if you are not present at a family gathering, if he still goes. It says that it's your problem, not his. When in fact you two are a couple and should have a united front. So, he is avoiding dealing with this and just wants it to be over. I agree with you, that things are not over. Over would mean that she has apologized and made amends to you about what happened. Stay away from her and have a talk with your boyfriend about how he can better show his commitment and support of you, by setting those limits with his sister, about how she can and cannot treat you! Please click ACCEPT if satisfied, otherwise I'm not paid for my assistance. Or, please ask for more info. Thank you!

Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

 

Thank you for your reply... i have one more question... i probably can not avoid her completely... NO i will not be attending any more family events .. but there will be parties and other weekend trips that are not "family" events but they are camping trips with a bunch of old mutual friends and she no doubt will be there.... I do not think that it is fair for me not to attend those things... just because she "might" be going as well. But then again it scares me thinking that she will be there and do not want to spend my time trying to avoid her or looking over my shoulder for fear that she might catch me alone.

How do you suggest i deal with those situations?

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