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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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The smart thing to do to get my ex back

Resolved Question:

The smart thing to do to get my ex back? I was nothing but good to her and she told me she just can't do it anymore. We went out for 6 months.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

 

Without knowing very many of the details, I can tell you that someone who says they "just can't do it anymore" will not be in a hurry to get back in the relationship. So it may not be the smart thing to do to try to get her back.

 

She may have had affection for you since you treated her so well, but just didn't feel like she was in love with you.

 

If she is being firm on not answering your calls or texts, it may be time to concede that this relationship is over.

 

Even if you were somehow to "convince" her to come back, you already know that she doesn't care about you as much as you care about her...a relationship out of baXXXXX XXXXXke that will not work over the long term.

 

The smart thing to do is take some time to grieve the loss of what you thought you had with her, and then look for a woman who loves and values you as much as you do her. She's out there...

Suzanne

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Can someone fall out of love that quick. We used to hug,kiss,hold hands all the time. She said I love you 1st.

Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

People do the strangest things.

 

Did you have any clues at all, looking back on it, that she may have been thinking of ending it, or having doubts about being together?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes like 3 weeks before it happen. I kept asking is there something wrong,she asked me were you ever unsure about things? I said no and asked her if she wants to end it or work it out. She said she does not want to end it.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.
So it sounds like this really wasn't sudden on her part. What was it that needed to be "worked out" ? Did the two of you talk things out at that point? What was making her feel unsure?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
She never gave me answers. Now I can't get a hold of her. At one point she asked what would you do if I was pregnant?
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

one more question...what did you answer to her pregnancy question?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I told her I will sell my bike and save to buy a house so we are both with the baby. She said really. She asked that question a week b4 we broke up.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

 

Well, that could mean a couple of things. ..

 

One: she was pregnant, decided that the relationship wasn't going to last, and decided to end the pregnancy

 

or Two: She was just testing you to see what you thought the long-term potential of the relationship was.

 

or Three: she was wanting to see if you mentioned marriage.

 

Either way, it doesn't sound like the two of you communicated well with each other. From your description, important things came up, but never got talked out fully.

 

It doesn't sound like there's much of a chance for this relationship to be put back together. Things weren't right for her for at least the last month. If you two had a huge fight, there would be a chance she'd cool down and come back, but that's not what happened here.

 

This sounds like she was thinking about if for a long time before she ended it. A person can easily keep up the hand holding,etc, while being unsure in their minds that they want to stay. It keeps things going while they are making up their mind.

 

I'm sorry she hurt you like this. When you are looking for your next love, find someone who can tell you exactly what is on her mind, and who you are comfortable talking with too. It sounds like part of what killed this relationship was things only being half-said.

 

I wish you all the best in finding someone who is more open and honest with you!

Suzanne

 

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Suzanne and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for everything.

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