How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1692
Experience:  PHD LPC
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Keane is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, Im in a relationship with a man (1 year) and I love him,

Resolved Question:

Hi, I'm in a relationship with a man (1 year) and I love him, but I was never ready to move in. He tells me he loves me and he's never loved a woman as much. However, he is always upset at me and makes small mean remarks to me. He says he is like this because he is upset that I won't commit (move in and want to spend my life with him). I told him I cant't commit because he is always saying and doing little mean things. He does nice things too and that's why I'm confused. It's a catch 22. In the beginning of the relationship he started off too fast ... within 10 weeks months he wanted me to move in, change my relationship status on Facebook, say I love him. He has a temper and he is kind of controlling. He is actually here in US illegally on an expired Green Card, but he says that it doesn't bother him and he would have married his ex-girlfriend if he needed to get married. I asked him to get it taken care of and he says he's afraid to because he might be deported back to Europe. I run my own company and I have quite a bit of money. So there are two factors here that could be making him move too fast. We have had some good times and I can honestly say that love him, but I still am not ready to commit the rest of my life to him. I honestly don't know what to do because I'm sad at the thought of breaking up. Recently he lost his job and moved to another state. He is now into growing medical marijuana and wants me to move into the house he grows it at. I know it's "legal" in this state, but that can't be safe for me. He says he won't give it up because the money is good and thinks I'm using it as another excuse to not commit to him.

He got physical with me one time. I was driving and he was giving me directions. He told me to get in the right land and about a mile to get on freeway. I asked him North or South (I was visiting him in his new state). He told me to just keep going. I told him to just tell me North or South so I would know. It escalated into a huge argument and he went crazy! Pounding my dashboard, telling me I go on and on. He then poked me hard in my arm about 4 times with two fingers. All I did was ask which direction. He told me the next day he has mental problems from childhood abuse. He told me he was so sorry and to not give up on him. I feel bad, but I've never had a guy get physical like that with me. This could be a sign of future abuse maybe?

I know as an outsider you think I shouldn't even need to ask, but remember that I do love him and that makes it difficult. I just need some advice or wisdom to help me make the right decision.

Thank you in advance (please don't post on website)
Lisa
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 3 years ago.

Hi and welcome,

I am not sure what your definition of love is however, I think you know in your gut that something is not right in this relationship and your hesitancy at committing yourself to this relationship speaks volumes. He is controlling and if he says mean things now they will escalate once you move in. How can you even think about a future with a guy like this when you don't like his behavior. Once he became physical that should have been your exit point. If you stay with him your chances of being abused again will rise significantly. I would suggest you find yourself a therapist and explore this relationship issue. How can you "love" someone who treats you as he does. Your gut is telling you something, you are smart and know it. I'd take your mother's advice on this one. You deserve better.

Please click accept and leave feedback. If you are a subscription customer or unlimited question customer you still need to click accept so I get credit for my answer. Thank you.

Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1692
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency