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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I met this girl Classes at my college just started 2-weeks

Resolved Question:

I met this girl

Classes at my college just started 2-weeks ago and I knew I needed to keep my eyes open for a girlfriend. New classes
equals new chances to meet girls since we will be spending a whole semester with these fellow students. Sure enough when the first wednesday class rolled around I showed up to my Wednesday/Friday class 15 minutes early. There was a girl standing just outside the door waiting on the current class to leave. I dropped my backpack and waited with her. I got a good look at her (without starring rudely) and I noted that she was very pretty, beautiful in fact. I didn't strike up a conversation at that point figuring that I would have plenty of time to do so later on. I should have at that point know that god put me there at that time for some reason.

That Friday the teacher wanted us to do personal introductions. I told everybody about me, my hobbies, and what I do. When the girls turn came about I turned to look at her as many others did. At that moment she introduces herself it happened. I just became over whelmed  with a wonderful feeling. I cannot put my finger on the feeling directly but I just knew in my heart that there is something about this girl. My interpretation of the feeling was that god had put this girl here for something. As I listen to her introduce herself to the class  I thought this girl is amazine absolutly amazine. She has looks that will blow you away and a heart as good as gold.

I wanted to talk to her after class that day but basiclly chickened out. I kicked myself so many times for not doing it. Now that it was Friday, I had to wait until the next class meeting to talk to her. It was the longest Friday afternoon, saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I have ever lived through in my life. I thought about her every second of that break. I prayed to god asking how it was possible that I could be so gaga over a girl I've never talked to, only knew her name, and only knew a little bit about her from a brief introduction. At that point I didn't even know if she already had a boyfriend. I just had to keep resulting to the fact that there had to be some reason that god had put her there. Whether I was meant to date her or never be with her, there is some lesson that god is goin to teach me using this girl (I'm hopeing that the lesson is that she is my soul mate).

Well wednesday rolled around and I was so excited. That whole break I had been planning and rehearsing my speech. I was wearing my best clothes, had groomed myself perfectly haircut and all. I showed up to class 15 minutes early just like before. She wasn't there at the moment but showed up to wait outside shortly after. I walked over and started my conversation just like I wanted. It started off with "how is rocket doing?" the name of her pet I asorbed from personal introductions (she's a big animal lover). She cracked a laugh at the fact that I started it that way but she opened up to me. I was just as confident as I could and I felt positive about the short conversation. In to class I started to realize all the mistakes I made. I forgot to tell her my name!!! How rude of me to not introduce myself.

I waited until Friday class and what a Friday it was. First of all driving to class that day a building was on fire. It was blazing, fire shooting up 50 feet into the air. The fire made headlines. I should have taken it as a sign from god. That day the interstate was moving fast causing me to get to class an hour early. I sat in the lounge area of the building of my class. Talking to another student friend from the class. When all of the sudden I felt a presence in the room. I turned and it was her. She allways wore modest clothes. Very fashionable but not revealing. What I saw, the fire that morning should have been a sign for. She was blazing in a tank top jeans and pony tail. Her makeup was done absolutly stunning as if a professional had been doing it. And, she was rocking every bit of it. She was looking like she was about to pull a seat across the room to herself when I made a quick move. I said "no no come on and join us over here" and she did. 

I got the greatest 45 min conversation of my life with her. She played like she was interested. First of all she joined us at the table when I invited. I also mentioned to her and my other friend that I wanted to get both of their phone numbers incase I had a question about an assignment. Before I even finished that sentance she handed me her phone open to the add contact screen and told me to put in my info. I did. I also said I was sorry not introducing myself last time and told her my name. She respondid with "I know I listened for you in the role call that day." I'm crazy for this girl right now.

Then I knew I had to ask. Did she have a boyfriend. As it turns out yes she did she even said he was still in highschool and chuckled as if she was slightly embarrased by it. 

At this point I feel like I should have been crushed. The girl I dreamed about for 2 weeks was taken. But I wasn't. It's like god was in my heart telling me it was ok. 

I just know there is something about this girl. Ever since I met her I have been so happy. We had some of the best days weather wise in my area. 75 degrees farenhiet no humidity slight breeze and the sky has been a wonderful deep blue. I've been having dreams about her and thinking about her every second. 
I want to be her boyfriend so bad I can taste it. 

So the question is, what do I do now? Knowing what I belive are the signs from god, the fact that she pushed like she is interesed, and the fact that I'm gaga over her, what do I do?
One site on the internet said to just let her know how I feel but say I don't ever want to come between her and her boyfriend. It said you might regret it later if I don't. But how do I spill my guts to her like I just did to you without creeping her out? 

I'm so afraid to lose this girl, what do I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for writing to Just Answer..

 

I get the feeling just reading your note (very well written, by the way...) that she may already be interested in you. Giving you her phone to put your info into is a very good sign. And the fact that she took such care with how she looks at school may mean that she is already feeling like having a boyfriend in high school may not be what she wants.

 

I'm so afraid to lose this girl, what do I do?

You can't lose what you don't have. And you don't have her yet. This is going to take some patience. Once classes are in full swing, you might try to put together a study group...and of course, invite her. Hold it in the evening, not too late...and ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat--very casually. You could even make a light reference to her boyfriend to reassure her you know she's 'taken' (for the moment).

 

Very few high school--college relationships last. The are each in very different stages of their lives. Your challenge is to show her what a college relationship can be.

 

And I disagree with the advice you got about telling her now. Spilling your guts so soon, when you don't have a clue how she feels about you would be a mistake. You need to attract her to you, not throw yourself at her feet.

 

It sounds like you're doing everything right so far...keep including her in things, try to figure out a way to get together after hours without it seeming like a date. Ask her how it is having a boyfriend in high school...really listen to the answer...it will tell you what you need to know.

 

I would love to hear how this all turns out...

Suzanne

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok,
I know from the longer 45 min conversation that our class is the only class she has on Friday. So, I want her to grab some lunch in the student union after our class Friday with me.

How would be the best way to ask:

Like an invitation? An invitation is more suddle than direct. It sounds like I'm going whether you do or not but, your invited to come along. She sorta comes in as another wheel even though there is only two of us.

Like I'm asking? If I directly ask if she would grab some lunch with me. It comes across as us as if I'm not going by myself if she says no. It become more date like with out being a date.

Remember I'm going to ask over text message since she is a texter instead of a caller

how should the tone go?
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Keep the tone light and funny. And phrase it like an invitation to join you..you could make some joke about hearing they have gourmet .......(fill in the blank with something absolutely NOT gourmet) in the union & you're gonna try some after class, want to join me??

 

I'm sure you can come up with something more clever, but she responded well to you asking about her pet rather than being direct, so follow that lead.

 

Good luck!

Suzanne

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Okay, I have let everything playout a little more.

I asked her to join me for lunch friday. She turned me down because she had plans with her boyfriend that day. But, she asked for another time. I asked for next Friday and she said that usally Friday after class is her bf time but she would look at her scheudule.

I'm afraid that the "let me see" statment being a open ended statement is just a nice way of saying no.

Should I remind her? I don't want to pester her about it and end up turning her off to me.

But we hung out in the sitting area again before class this morning. And I had a good conversation with her over text message this afternoon. We talk about our pets.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

 

It may have been an error to ask for the next Friday after her telling you that Friday's are reserved for her bf...If the opportunity comes up again, go for another day.

 

You have put yourself out there, now its up to her to decide whether to respond. It sounds like things are going strong with the bf at the moment if she's reserving days for him.

 

I wouldn't ask again unless something drastic changes, like her telling you that she has nothing to do on Fridays any more. You let it be known in a nice way you want to see her outside of class, she declined.

 

Don't remind her...if she needs reminding, she isn't interested.

 

Remember, she's in a relationship. If she started seeing other guys while still having a bf, she wouldn't have a very good character.

 

Don't make anymore 'get together' moves until you know she has gotten out of her relationship. Keep the conversations fun, so that she looks forward to seeing you. At this point, that's all you can do.

 

And if by any chance she gets back to you and says "I can get together on some other day..." make sure you don't refer to it as a date. Just keep it light, make her laugh. If she decides to "test the waters" you don't want to make her feel defensive or guilty about hanging out with you.

 

At least you know she isn't a cheater...

Suzanne

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Well actully she told me about Fridays always being reserved after I asked for the next Friday.

But, I guess it truly is in gods hands. If Im meant to have a chance with her I will, if not I won't.

So I will just sit back and see what happens.

Any way I wanted to thank you for your time so far. You have put some confidence in me to make my own decisions with girls.

If I click accept will I still be able to send follow up messages. In case anything comes up?
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

I'm glad you're feeling more confident! If you present yourself as well in person as you do in your writing, I have no doubt you will find the (available) girl of your dreams. One of my favorite reminders is that god answers all prayers, and the answers can be

"yes,

not now, or

I have something better in mind for you."

 

I'd be happy to talk to you again if something comes up after you've clicked "accept."

All best wishes,

Suzanne

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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