How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr.G. Your Own Question

Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr.G. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

how do I get my partner to know that although I have hurt him

Resolved Question:

how do I get my partner to know that although I have hurt him in the past I now understand the pain and want to make this right, when we talk about the issues the conversation always goes back to what happen 3 yrs ago .
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
What were the issues? Why won't he let it go and forgive?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
there were were serveral issues that is brought up, mainly 3.5 yrs ago christmas when he was sick , and i stop by to check on him , he told me to go ahead to the dinner however i stayed much longer ,that anticipate, like 6hrs , and i didnt call , i did however stop back by to see him. then on new years my sisiter was coming in and i informed him that we may want to church he siad at that point to go , as agin i have made that diciciesion so he feels hurt that i 1st,i tried to explain but it turnen into a argument , there were times when i told him i would be there to pick him up at certian time and i was ofter late, a few time up to an 1.5 hrs and i didnt call , but after serveral discusssins i tried to make sure to be on time or call when iwas going to be late, it seems as if wvery disscussion things go back to the christmas incident and every incidnt since then.he states that since things wer allowed to go on with change so long he is damage from that , and states now he is just focus on him not getting hurt which means being distant and although i call 2 times every day , its usally me doning the talking and when i ask why the previouse issues comes up. I have asked for forgivenes and he says he has , although he says he is not willing to get hurt. I have done numberous things to try to make up for these things, including impriving on the time and buying gifts , trips ,and constanatly drop small by his house like lunch , treats that he likes, to try to show him i really do care and want to make this right , keep in mind we have been in this state before, because he says a lot of the things are repetive as if i the only one in the relationship. so he says it scares him to move forward withsomeone who is so inconsistant in there actions,
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
I think he is holding this over your head so that you continue to buy him things and do for him. It doesn't seem like this is a big deal and after 3.5 years this should be a non issue. Rest assured that you have done everything possible to make things better. With that said, it is time to drop the issue. You need to let him know that you will no longer talk about the incident and that you are not going to beg and plead him to forgive you. Let him know that he needs to get over it and stop bringing it up in order for this relationship to thrive. If he cannot let it go then you need to go. This is not a healthy relationship by any means, especially since he is distancing himself from you. If he cannot get over it and let down his guard then your next move should be to show him the door because you can't have a good relationship with someone like that. Good luck.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr.G. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Dr G, thank you for your response, however I am still a little confused, as my partner have the means to get or do these things himself , i do them as you know just to let him know I really care , and honestly i,we always done them. Also it seems that even now the distance of himself includes not accepting my offers of kindness although when he does it a very quick drop off and out the door type of thing. Is it possible that he is holding on to some of these issues because of past relationships with deceased father and last lover, whom he often refer to when making reference to the things i have done. Perhaps your right ,, that i just need to make it very clear that this is not aceptible, although i realized it may end the relationship if he is not able to release this , because it is extremely hard to move forward when the old issues is always coming up. . Its just very confusing to me why someone would want the lines of communication to stay open but not willing to as you say let down there guard so that we can try and move forward , I know that i am 100% committed to impronving this but I cant seem to convince them of this. forgive me for sounding redundant its just i really want to try and do the right thing.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency