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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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I have been in love with someone for almost 10 years. He has

Customer Question

I have been in love with someone for almost 10 years. He has found out everything about me. He has been in every aspect of my life. Now he tells me that he is in love with someone else. He wants to get married again and do the whole nine yards. Apart of me want let go. I feel as though he completes me. I don't feel as though he has respect for me. He's holding on just as much as I am. What do I do now?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

 

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. It is understandable that it is difficult to let this person go after investing so much time together. However, do you truly want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not respect you? Do you really want to hold onto someone who is in love with someone else?

 

You deserve someone who will spend time with you, listen to you and treat you respectfully. When someone in a relationship says that they have fallen in love with someone else this marks the end of the relationship, whether you want to hear it or not. When a relationship ends it can be very overwhelming, producing many of the same feelings as when someone you love dies. Grieving the loss of the relationship, as well as the loss of what you hoped the relationship might become can be a difficult process. Setting limits of not seeing or speaking to him will help with the grieving process, whereas each time you give in and have contact with him it will only delay the process. Keep in mind that the stages of grief include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It is important to keep in mind that time will help with the grief process, as well as allowing yourself to feel your feelings in small amounts without allowing them to overwhelm you. Individual therapy can be very effective to help you to learn to feel your feelings in a safe way and develop tools to improve your mood. Other tools such as exercise, eating healthy, structuring your days with some social interaction, meditation, volunteering, working and avoiding alcohol, which is a depressant, can all be quite helpful. This is a time to work on taking good care of yourself and building your self esteem and confidence and to give yourself unconditional love. Remember that each relationship, no matter how long it lasts can be an opportunity to learn and grow. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.

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